Okay, truthfully, I had no idea how much work it is to design a website!! I’m only in the very beginning stages of what I want to design but I don’t even know where to start!! Just putting ideas from pen to paper right now and it’s all very exciting for me. I think I’ll sign up for a class or something so that I can have some idea of where to begin. I don’t want to waste any time doing something I don’t need to be doing or going in the wrong direction. There are so many websites out there and I tried and tried and tried to look for one similar to what I had in mind but it does not exist. That’s yay!! Hopefully, it is not already in the works by someone else.
Tomorrow is Christmas Eve. My best memory of Christmas as a child is the lighting of the tree in the corner of our living room when I was a kid. It stayed lit throughout the night and whenever I needed to go to the bathroom in the middle of the night, somehow, the lights gave me comfort. Who likes to walk around in the dark? Not me. I was never really big on asking for presents but whenever I did receive one, I always treated it with value & care because it made me feel like someone loved me enough to think of me. As I got older, I began giving gifts for Christmas to all my friends & family. Unfortunately, as time passed, bills grew & grew and my Christmas fund, along with my Christmas spirit, diminished & disappeared.
I think the exact moment I lost my Christmas spirit was 1999. I found out my parents were separated and my boyfriend & I broke up at the same time. What a horrible Christmas that year turned out to be. It took me 1 year to get over my boyfriend but 10 years to get over my parents. I can now finally look at my dad without feeling pain or anger. While the love for my dad returned, my Xmas spirit never did. So I always felt guilty whenever people gave me gifts or cards, but I didn’t want to pretend neither. I no longer celebrate Xmas because I don’t know how to rejuvenate those feelings I used to have as a kid and I’m not sure I want to. Wow, I’m a total scrooge! Or maybe this wound takes more than 10 years to heal, you never know what might happen. Maybe if I had more money, then I could actually enjoy giving gifts & sending cards to people. But instead, I’m struggling in the red & anxiously waiting for Xmas to pass already. Maybe if I can get this website up and running, it might help me to generate some money someday and I can finally quit my job and redesign how I want to live my life.
My BFF’s favorite holiday is Xmas. What’s MY favorite holiday?
Friday. Payday. Go figure.