Designing My Life

Okay, truthfully, I had no idea how much work it is to design a website!! I’m only in the very beginning stages of what I want to design but I don’t even know where to start!! Just putting ideas from pen to paper right now and it’s all very exciting for me. I think I’ll sign up for a class or something so that I can have some idea of where to begin. I don’t want to waste any time doing something I don’t need to be doing or going in the wrong direction. There are so many websites out there and I tried and tried and tried to look for one similar to what I had in mind but it does not exist. That’s yay!! Hopefully, it is not already in the works by someone else.

Subject change:

Tomorrow is Christmas Eve. My best memory of Christmas as a child is the lighting of the tree in the corner of our living room when I was a kid. It stayed lit throughout the night and whenever I needed to go to the bathroom in the middle of the night, somehow, the lights gave me comfort. Who likes to walk around in the dark? Not me. I was never really big on asking for presents but whenever I did receive one, I always treated it with value & care because it made me feel like someone loved me enough to think of me. As I got older, I began giving gifts for Christmas to all my friends & family. Unfortunately, as time passed, bills grew & grew and my Christmas fund, along with my Christmas spirit, diminished & disappeared.

I think the exact moment I lost my Christmas spirit was 1999. I found out my parents were separated and my boyfriend & I broke up at the same time. What a horrible Christmas that year turned out to be. It took me 1 year to get over my boyfriend but 10 years to get over my parents. I can now finally look at my dad without feeling pain or anger. While the love for my dad returned, my Xmas spirit never did. So I always felt guilty whenever people gave me gifts or cards, but I didn’t want to pretend neither. I no longer celebrate Xmas because I don’t know how to rejuvenate those feelings I used to have as a kid and I’m not sure I want to. Wow, I’m a total scrooge! Or maybe this wound takes more than 10 years to heal, you never know what might happen. Maybe if I had more money, then I could actually enjoy giving gifts & sending cards to people. But instead, I’m struggling in the red & anxiously waiting for Xmas to pass already. Maybe if I can get this website up and running, it might help me to generate some money someday and I can finally quit my job and redesign how I want to live my life.

My BFF’s favorite holiday is Xmas. What’s MY favorite holiday?
Friday. Payday. Go figure.

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