Allright, it’s a new year and I know everyone is going to be starting their New Year’s resolutions. I, on the other hand, have decided to start my DISsolution. I am going to dissolve my unhealthy relationship with none other than….food. Sorry food, we’ve had good times, we’ve had bad times. You were there for me when I was happy, sad, bored, emo, and sought comfort. But today, I have decided to break up with you because our relationship has gone from unhealthy to YOU’RE KILLING ME!!!! I can’t keep up with you anymore!! You’re there everywhere I go, you’re always trying to falsely console me with your sweet side, and you never apologize when you’ve overwhelmed me. I always end up feeling full of regret for giving in to you. So there it is. We no longer need to continue this relationship. We no longer need to keep pretending like you are good for me because frankly, you’ve never done anything but make me sick.
Moreover, I would also like to add that from now on, I will look at you with open eyes, a clear vision, and I will not give in to your sweet whisperings of how succulent you are, or how sweet you might be, or what a delight you are in bed. I am stronger than you. My goal is to rid my body of the lingering evils that you have bestowed upon me. I curse your versatile shape-shifting form and I promise myself that I WILL recognize when you are even remotely trying to weasel your unhealthy ways back into my life. I am not your slave anymore so take your high fructose corn syrups, your complex carbohydrates, and your refined sugars out of my temple and shove it up your funnel cake!! KAPOW!!