Finally read the monologue to others tonight. I rewrote it again all the way up to the last minute at work today. It took a lot out of me to share it as it was based on a true event. Of course, this was only a first test run, not the actual show so I hadn’t memorized it. No one had ever heard it yet, not even the women’s group I’m working with. They heard the original version but not the rewrite. I hope people liked it. It’s still a work in progress so I recorded it so that I could hear it as an audience member. My goal is to tell my story and hope that listeners can go through my emotions with me. Hopefully, I’ll get there by October. Thank god for art. Without it, I wouldn’t have any outlet to relieve my pain.
Archive for March, 2011
I’m getting nervous for Wordy Word tomorrow…which is weird because it’s not like it’s a real show or anything. It’s just that I really should be completing my 3rd draft when in fact, I’m already on the 5th or 6th draft because every time I go through my monologue, I change things. And every time I start to read it, I start getting choked up over it. When did I become so emo? Maybe I’ll try to get it on video or something so that I can see myself. I might even upload it here to keep as record.
At what point do you stop rewriting your draft? Does it ever become perfect? Will I ever be completely satisfied with it? Probably not. My take on things is that there is always room for improvement, which is why I have no problem acceptiing criticism. I just can’t tell when I need to stop changing things and when I need to rewrite my draft. I guess that’s why Wordy Word is so good for the artistic soul. It will be good to get feedback from the audience. As great as it is to get criticism from the crowd, I’m not sure when I will stop criticising myself.
Just heard from the Warner Bros. PR that Will Friedle will not be at Wondercon after all. Sigh…well, at least it was nice to think he might be for awhile. Not even his BFF Jason Marsden will be there, per Jason Marsden. I’m sad about this but not depressed. It’s not the end of the world. I just wish Will had found the time to come say hello to his fans just this once. At least Jason was at Comic-Con last year. It would have been a dream come true for some. I’m sure he has some really big fans out there who would love to just see him in the flesh, even from afar. Ah well, perhaps he will make an appearance at Comic-con. A girl can only hope. A dream can only grow. A wish can only be made.
Photoshoot was a success!! I think. It lasted from 8:30 AM and ended around 3 PM. I had a great time. The photographers were very professional and made us all feel very at ease. We had two photographers and we would switch off to complete the shoot within our restricted space & time limits. There were two hair/makeup artists and they both did a fantastic job on all of us. I had a blast working with them. We also brought in a videographer to tape the shoot and do interviews for a promo and I hope the things I said were okay. Just thinking about the edit is making me anxious.
I just love the artist world and it’s sad that whenever budget cuts come rolling around, art is one of the first on the list to get cut. They don’t see how art contributes in shaping one’s future, building self-esteem, giving confidence, exploring one’s capabilities, teaching discipline, and forming useful skills that are applicable in all aspects of life including career, school, and in the home. Ok, tangent! Just a random rant.
Anyway, I was initially going to post some of the candids I took with my phone but then I realized it’s probably better to post them along with the actual photos instead, whenever we get to see the proofs. I’m very excited about all of this!
Right now, I’m trying to help in figuring out a website promo and the video promo. I have never ever done anything like this and it’s all so refreshing, I find. Learning so many things from my friends and getting opportunities to get creative is really feeding my hungry artistic soul and I am ever grateful.
No classes this week for spring break and I’m excited about Wordy Word on Wednesday. Better get crackin’ on my monologue! Here’s a quick pic of me at the photoshoot. The theme was the masculine look. Do I look masculine enough? *shrug*
I’ll be doing a photoshoot tomorrow. Of course, my skin decides to act up just days beforehand. I guess it’s from all the chocolate I ate at work. I always did say that I tend to sabotage myself, either consciously or subconsciously. It’s ok, it’s 2011 and we have photoshop now so I’ll be ok.
I had to find a men’s suit to wear and the only thing I could think of was to borrow one from my brother. My only fear was that it wouldn’t fit me because I’m probably bigger than he is. However, I had to try and so I went over to his place and asked to try on his suit. He gave me the biggest one he had and when I put it on, it was actually bigger than me! Color me dumbfounded. Then I asked him if he had one that was smaller. He did, it was one size lower so I put that one on and voila, a perfect fit. Imagine my excitement and realization that my weight loss efforts have not gone unrewarded. Now I don’t have to spend any money to buy a women’s suit. :0)
I don’t know how this photoshoot will turn out as I’ve never done one but I guess we shall find out when we get the proofs back. Not sure now to pose. Is that my job to know or the photographer’s? Oh Lord help me. If I take any more double photos, I’m going to cut it off with scissors. What a vision that would be. I wonder what supermodels did to get to where they are. Modeling school? Intern with an agency? Just stand on a corner in Hollywood looking pretty, hoping to catch a photographer’s attention? Yeah, I think that might catch some different attention actually.
Anyway, going to see Vagina Monologues tonight and grab some of that famous Papalote burrito I hear so much about. Hoping for some inspiration for my own pieces. My craving to write a short film and get into a festival is growing bigger & bigger by the day.
Sooo…I was reading up on the Wondercon schedule and read this:
ThunderCats Special Video Presentation and Cast/Producer Q&A— ThunderCats Ho! The cats will be loose on Sunday as WonderCon hosts the first-ever panel for this all-new animated series produced by Warner Bros. Animation, coming soon to Cartoon Network. Based upon the iconic 1980s action classic, ThunderCats is the epic tale of Lion-O and his battle against evil in the quest for the fabled Stones of Power. Fans will feel the magic and hear the roar as producers and cast unveil their vision for the show, debut exclusive footage and answer questions about one of the most highly anticipated animated series of the year. Esplanade Ballroom
Umm, yeah. I was meant to see Will Friedle in person. Yes, that is what I believe. Haha! I don’t know if he will be there for sure but it’s just a good chance, I guess. *crossing fingers* Good thing I’m prepared for this anyway. I’ve loved Will since 1993, that’s even earlier than Paulo. Wow, hope this doesn’t turn out like my Paulo Saga all over again. It was as if the powers that be were working against me that day. Yeah, I don’t think I could handle another day like that.
I wonder what I would say if I actually ran into Will at Wondercon while just randomly walking around. I imagine it’d go something like this:
WILL, wearing dark colors with jeans, is casually walking around looking at different booths on the floor. Multiple teenagers are walking around, some dressed in costume.
AVA, wearing bright colors, is using the web on her cell phone, not paying attention to where she’s going.
Ava bumps into Will, looks up and apologizes. Will simply smiles. Ava’s eyes grow large and she opens her mouth to speak but nothing comes out until Will speaks.
A: Hello…umm, are you Will Friedle?
W: That’d be me, yes.
A: Oh wow, ok. Hi, I’m Ava.
W: Hi Ava, I’m Will. Nice to meet you.
A: Me? Nice to meet YOU! I’ve loved you since 1993. I used to have your picture on my wall. I even have your picture on my phone, see? (raises phone to Will’s face) And I can’t believe I just told you that.
W: It’s ok, thank you though.
A: Can I take a picture with you?
Will and Ava pose for a picture while a random person takes it.
A: Thank you so much! This is a dream come true!
W: Aww, you’re welcome, it was my pleasure.
Ava gives Will a hug and they go their separate ways.
My ideal meeting is a little bit quirky. I’d rather meet him in a more crazy way, as if we were in a comedic parody of a soap opera. Not comedy, not dramedy, but stupidity.
AVA is wearing the Kim Possible costume and sprints around Wondercon yelling, “RON!!! RON! Where are you?! RON!!!”
WILL hears her call and is in the same area with her in a flash. They see each other. A big, open-mouthed smile appears on both their faces as they’re running towards each other. When they touch, they give each other a big spinning hug. They gaze into each other’s eyes.
A: I can’t believe it. We’ve only known each other for such a short time and we’re already so in love.
W: I’ve been waiting for you my whole life. Anyone who dares to run around calling my character name in character to find her character’s significant other is significantly magnificent to me out of character. Please. Tell me, what is your name?
A: My name is Ava, but I won’t bother to ask you for your name because I know your name already. I don’t waste time, as moments like these pass by so quickly, I can’t bare to take the chance-
W: Oh Ava, it’s so good to know you don’t like to waste time. Let’s skip getting to know each other, dating, engaging, and almost calling off the wedding over a stupid fight about nothing, marriage, a dog, a house, and kids. Let’s just go straight to retirement and growing old together. What say you?
A: I…I…oh WILL! Yes! Yes! I would love to! This is the best day of my life! I’ve always dreamed of what it would be like to hold your hand, to touch your face, to see myself in your beautiful hazel eyes. Please, tell me, can I borrow twenty dollars? I’m famished and their pasta dishes look…expensive.
W: Twenty dollars? Twenty dollars?? My god! Have twenty five! My love only deserves the best! Add shrimp! Let me feed you with eco-friendly, biodegradeable chopsticks so that our marriage will not impact any further damage to our already dying planet. And THAT is how we will be superheroes and save the world.
A: Oh Will, I always knew you cared.
Will grabs Ava by the waist, pulls her toward him, dips her and gives her a sloppy, grotesque, cheek-licking, open-mouthed, tongue sloshing kiss.
W: I’ll be your lip moisturizer, my love.
A: Oh my. You’re a pro.
They kiss again in the same disgusting way.
And THAT would definitely be the worst script I’ve ever written in 15 minutes or less. LOL! Sometimes, you just have to write a bunch of crap to mold your words into emotions. Do I really wish I could meet him this way or that? No. I don’t want to imagine these kinds of things because anything and everything can happen, just like my unpredictable Paulo Costanzo drama day. As long as I don’t have any expectations, fate will take its course. If he’s there, it will be a pleasant surprise. If not, I won’t be utterly disappointed. If only I could jump into my future to take a peek so that I can rewind back and prepare for the worst. If only…
As I am writing, my eyes are red, my tears are streaming, and my nose is stuffed. I’m not sick, I’m just writing. Currently, I’m in the middle of writing two pieces: one is whimsical and comedic, the other is melodramatic and sad. When I write, the hardest part for me is the sad monologues that hit close to home. It’s almost like acting. I have to get into character and take myself to a place that hurts me and causes me to pull out all the stops. Obviously, I was just writing the sad piece right now which compelled me to record how I’m feeling right now.
I miss my mother. Through all the hurt and the pain she dragged me through back in January, I hate that I still miss her. I’ve tried so hard to build a wall but sometimes, there are holes and I let myself fall through them. This is so ironic because in order to get myself to write the whimsical piece, I listen to music that puts me in that mood. The laughter and fun just pours out from my mind onto the paper. I guess that’s why I felt the need to write. I needed to pull myself out from this heartbroken character and get back to at least my neutral state. I’m almost there. All day today, I spent it laughing, inspiring myself through experiences and good company, recording everything I want to share someday on stage or on screen.
Just to share a few laughter resources, here are just some places I like to go to in case of emergency lows:
For people who like to dabble in a little bit of everything within the creative world (like me), there seems to be a catch-22 for every area of interest. For example, if you want to become an artist, you have to submit art that looks promising. but to create art that looks promising, you have to learn in school. Yeah, I guess you have to use your imagination and find resources besides school, which brings me to my point of discussion.
There was a minute in my life that I considered acting as a career, a verrrry shorrrt minute. I took acting workshops and participated in short plays but that nervous feeling right before I’m about to go onstage gets on my nerves. So I thought being on film would be easier. Now, I’m not so sure of that. I helped a friend in a short film she made for a film class and that experience was fun but at the same time, I couldn’t tell if I did a good job or not. Plus, I was very green at the time with acting and now that I look back at it, I was probably really terrible with my lame facial expressions. However, that fueled me to want to improve.
I recently met a young lady who was interested in voice acting for a living but she was having hard time finding gigs for it as it was something that’s really hard to get into. I believe her, I mean, there’s got to be so much competition out there. Of course I told her that my favorite actor is a voice actor so I understood why she wanted to go into it but she wasn’t sure where to go from there. She thought maybe she has the wrong agent who keeps giving her commercial gigs that she didn’t want to do.
I was on Twitter the other night and Jason Marsden, a very talented onscreen and voiceover actor, was talking about a voiceover audition he went to so I asked him how to get into the business. He said “1st step into VO acting? Learn how to act.” He said to then “make a reel first. 1 to 1 1/2 minutes, tight, lots of diversity.” It was nice to get advice from a professional and I really appreciated him replying; makes me believe there are still down-to-earth celebs out there without egos, which I do not stroke. Celebrities are just people & fans have to understand that. Meeting NKOTB has really conditioned me, I guess. You rock Jason, thank you. When he said that, I was immediately reverted back to my past goals and achievements in acting.
I’m trying to help complete my profile for PMSTA and Shannon, the website designer, is asking me for footage of my past work. It was then that I realized I don’t really have much on video that I’ve done. If anything is recorded, I’m certainly not aware of it. Shit. So does this mean I can never get it together in the acting world since I have nothing recorded to show for it? The only recorded footage I actually own of myself is my stand up comedy routine that I once did and I can’t use that, it’s not acting! I guess it is still a part of creativity though but still, I’m just a little bit EMBARRASSED by my silly shenanigans! But then again, if I want to be known for comedic material, I guess maybe I should include that routine…I’ll think about it.
Right now, my focus is writing & completing “Not Quite Unrequited”, the screen version. Yesterday, out of nowhere, I was creatively plugged in and I almost finished the whole treatment for the script. Even while I drove to work, my mind was still grinding away. By Sunday night, I will have the first act done and that is my goal. At least with writing, I can archive it.
Wow, this post was just all over the place.
I’m about to go to sleep so I’m going to do this old school and write whatever comes to mind for 5 minutes, like I used to. I went to Wordy Word today, which is a bi-weekly event that Bindlestiff Studio holds for artists to test out their work in front of an audience. We have a new venue, Rancho Parnassus, a cafe at 505 Minna St. in SF. It was funny because when one of the writer’s scripts was being read onstage during all these intense moments, you could see outside the big window to the left of the stage that some girls were being patted down. Ahhh, Sixth St. That is what I know you for. Art & crime just steps within vicinity of each other. My thought process was, “Hey, no fair! The crime scene is upstaging the reading!” and “I wonder if a bullet can go through this wall or would it ricochet?” Anyway, as I drank my first kombucha tonight, I thought about how much it tasted like beer and how little I know about kombucha. Is it alcoholic? Because it gave me a headache.
On another note, I was chosen to read the first 2 pages of my story for my screenwriting class and I have to read it on Monday. Guess I’d better start it then? That would be a good idea. This has completely changed my plan to write a completely different as I have to finish my short film as well. Might as well kill two birds with one stone and just use my short film project simultaneously for my screenwriting class. I’m keeping the characters, just changing the story. I refuse to put the original on screen as it already went on stage.
I also found out today that my drawing instructor might die. He was in a car accident and is in critical condition. He was already in a wheelchair before this. He taught me how to draw the things I posted in Adventures of a 6B Pencil. He’s a really great teacher and I hope he makes it through.
Okay, that’s all I’m going to write. My eyes are almost closed and I can’t even see if I’m spelling things right so I’m going to pardon my own typos if any.
Inspiration is everywhere and anywhere; photos, acts of kindness, acts of violence, nature, television, stories, whatever you can think of. I am most inspired by my daydreams. Night dreams are fun but when you daydream, I want to say it’s almost like lucid dreaming. I am in control. I found myself daydreaming at work today as I had to wrap a bunch of gifts for a company event. Lately, I’ve just been daydreaming about Will. Of course, night dreaming about Will is always fun too. The best part about that dream is that it inspired me to write and I was so motivated to put it on paper. I wonder if anyone can figure out which parts were the actual dream and which parts I created. My creative playground is pretty active lately but my subconcious is catching up. When I go to sleep tonight, I am crossing my fingers that Will and I will meet again.
I want to hug this smart, funny & handsome young gentleman.
Photos by Vivien Kililea, 2011Oh who am I kidding? We all know I’d like to do a lot more than hugging.