I used to write letters to celebrities I admired as a child. Paula Abdul & Joe McIntyre were two that I recall writing to. Who doesn’t do that? Remember those teen magazines like BOP or Tiger Beat? They used to have a page in the back where you could send fan letters to your “fave.” I’m not sure if I ever sent them as I found a few lying around in my old storage. Although, I have been known to be quite sentimental so I might have just written two copies of the letter and kept one for myself to read whenever I came across it.
I was inspired by Tracy Clark-Flory, who wrote a blog titled “Share Your Childhood Crush,” to go seeking for a love letter I might have written to Will Friedle as a kid. Unfortunately, I couldn’t find it. I did find one I had written to Joey McIntyre though. It was pretty lame reading through it. I had written simplistic sentences such as “I really want to meet you because you are so cute.” or “The New Kids on the Block are so great!” or “I hope I will get to see you someday in person because I really love you a lot.” What was I thinking? That he will come knocking on my door and profess his requited love to me? That he will be so moved by my letter that he will leave the tour and come looking for me, his soulmate? That my true & undying love will bring him into my life through fate? (Well, that last assumption came true as I followed his career and met my beloved in person in 2002.)
Stuff like that reminds of the innocence I once had and how it kept me untainted and why I cherish childhood memories so much. It’s like they’re sacred, cannot be touched nor tainted by modern adjustments. So, while I can’t send Will Friedle a love letter I wrote to him as a teenager, I’ll just blog him a letter I’m writing as an adult, just for kicks. And since I’ve heard from his peers that he is not up to par with modern technology, he will never see it anyway so I think I’ll just roll with it and have fun. Here goes…
Hello there. How are you? I’m fine, thank you. (Why we always answer that question on our own I’ll never know.) I have met just a handful of celebrities in my life but enough to calm me down when I see one. Never getting overexcited, no longer starstruck anymore, and not at all overreacting that I am breathing the same air quality with one. So it would be so humble of you whenever we meet if you didn’t get overfensive that I wasn’t titilated to be in your presence. To be honest, I don’t even really see you as a celebrity. You’re just a regular guy to me so if you touch my breast prematurely, I will slap you…unless I’m turned on. Which, in that case, carry on.
We can go to the movies together, but I hope you won’t expect me to walk on any red carpets with you because that’s not really my thing. I’d rather get lost in the crowd than be the center of attention. I really want to go watch
a romantic comedy an action movie with you. But just so you know, I might go into panic fright mode if I see any limbs being chopped off or eyeballs being drilled into. At that point, I’ll watch the movie with my hands in front of my face and constantly annoy you with questions regarding what is happening on the screen in loud, unfiltered whispers.
Another thing we could do is go to shows. I’m not sure what kind of shows you like to go to but me, I’m attracted to comedy, music and food. Do you eat? Because I sure do. It’s my favorite thing to do. Are there shows that involve food? I’m not really sure–oh wait, yes. Yes there is. My friends sometimes do a show called “Eat Now, Laugh Later” where they combine a dinner with a standup comedy show. It’s quite entertaining as you eat a nice fattening meal, and then since laughing burns calories, you laugh it off later. BAM. And that’s how we come full circle. Have you ever seen Liam Sullivan perform? He’s so funny, especially as Kelly. She’s…he’s…no, wait, she’s…umm…Liam/Kelly’s just great.
As for food, well, I confess. I have this fantasy where I get to take you to a Burmese restaurant, I order everything for us, we eat it, then you like it, and then you pay. Sigh…that’s such an ultimate fantasy of mine as Burmese food is just so darn expensive sometimes.
On a daily basis, I like to think about you at least once, because I don’t want you to get upset. I use an alarm so no worries there. I have a theme song when I think of you. It’s “London Bridge” by Fergie. Nuff said. That and “21 Guns” by Green Day, because it’s fuckin Green Day!
While most fans have sexual fantasies of sex, mine is more like wrestling, watching you voice act, and introducing you to ice cream with french fries. Not all three at the same time though. Otherwise, you may be overwhelmed with my energy. Hey, that reminds me. I started an “Ode to Will.” I mean, an ode to you. There’s no title and it’s unfinished. It goes,
In another time, in another place
You hold my hand, caress my face
In another world, in another life
I’d still say yes, I’d be your wife
In good times, in bad, we’d make it through
When I’m feeling sad, I’d still run to you
And then I thought that was too cheesy so I started a rap.
I roll stronger, harder, farther, are there
ways I can drive fast, fly fast, say hi that’s
cool. No complaints, No goin’ insane with the distance
400 miles gave me the chance to miss us
I flex my fingers when I text my words
So that next time I think of you, I’ll get nothing hurt
And when I realize you’re not next to me
I start turning my reality to fantasy
Ok, I’ve written an essay and it’s time to turn it in. After all, I still have homework to do for my screenwriting class. One day, I’m going to write one of the greatest stories I’ve ever told. Not one of the greatest stories ever told, just what I’ve told. I can’t say that because that would make me arrogant and I’m not one to stroke anyone’s ego, let alone have my own. Also, I’m falling asleep and it’s only the afternoon.
Nap time is my favorite because we could spoon.
Hey, that rhymed by accident.