Archive for May, 2011


New Kids on the Block had their opening night yesterday for their epic tour with Backstreet Boys! I gave my friend my tickets as the guys had invited all the cruisers to their opening night show in Chicago and luckily, they were transferable. He had a really great time and even made some friends with the girls sitting next to him. Of course, who could resist a guy at an NKOTB show enjoying himself? I’m making love connections, haha! I was almost tempted to get a ticket for their Anaheim show, which would be in addition to the tickets I already have for the LA & SJ show. Alas, the sensible me stopped the fanatic me and said I just can’t afford it. I’m still paying off the tickets I bought in 2008!

Anyway, I didn’t want to spoil myself but I heard they have an opening video in the beginning of the show and omg, I was in it! EEEKKKKK!!! It was from when I made an appearance on the day of my Paulo Saga. It’s not easy being in two places at the same time. Here is the video and this is all I’ve seen, up to where I saw myself. No more spoilers!!

A Great Loss

I spend all weekend writing to finish up my final for my screenwriting class. Just sitting around, writing away with my pencil and then typing it up, editing, and eating every once in awhile. And guess what? I lost 3 lbs! Of course, from the 4 lbs I lost from vacation, I had gained back 1.5 lbs so this 3 lbs includes that 1.5 lbs so altogether, I lost 6 lbs. Winning!!
All weekend, I only ate noodles, fruit, and oatmeal. Oh, and part of a calzone from when I had gone to a baby shower. It was a veggie calzone, not very good though I must say. Mostly artichoke hearts, olives, cheese, sun-dried tomatoes & onions. So yeah, I guess I can see why I lost the weight but I really thought I would gain since I barely did any exercise. I went to buy a baby shower card and chose to walk it instead of driving so maybe that had something to do with it.
After coming back from vacation and seeing that I had lost weight even though I did nothing but eat a lot of food and walk around alot, it hit me. The epiphany, the light bulb I had been waiting for. Exercise really works. I had refused to believe it before and thought I could lose weight strictly through dieting and not exercising but Michelle Obama got it right with her Let’s Move campaign. Getting up and moving is the best way to lose that weight and that’s what I plan on doing to get myself down at least 50 lbs. I’m 6 down so I’ve got 44 more to go. It’s going to be a great loss for me! If Sara Rue can do it, so can I, and with help!
My friend and I decided to document ourselves through this weight loss process through video logging. It’s strictly anonymous so I won’t be revealing where the logs are. Hopefully, we can keep each other motivated and get this weight down.

Vacation Recap

Finally recovered from my vacation. I went on the New Kids on the Block Cruise to the Bahamas last week and had a blast. The purpose of this trip was to 1. See Kevin, 2. Get my license plate signed by the Knights, and 3. Hang out with friends. I accomplished most of these. As much as I’d like to go into details about my trip, I’d really rather keep those details to myself. However, I would like to list my highs & lows. I think I’ll start with my lows.

1. Swollen ankles
2. Delayed flight home (SIX HOURS!!!)
3. Couldn’t go into ocean due to knee injury
4. Thirsty all the time due to sodium in cruise water
5. Didn’t get Jordan to sign my plate

1. Saw my favorite “New Kid” Kevin
2. Got invited to VIP
3. Saw/Met lots of Blockheads I hadn’t seen
4. Kevin helped me get Jon’s signature on my license plate
5. Had a great time with friends
6. Lost 4 lbs. from all the walking/dancing/stair climbing
7. Had an awesome breakfast at 3:30 AM in Miami

I asked many of my friends if they would go next year if there’s another cruise. 95% said no, including me. However, if the cruise were to dock from the west coast for a change or if my friends decide to go on the boat through Carnival instead of Rose Tours, I might change my mind. It was a great experience, it always is.

Things to keep in mind for any cruise:
1. Bring your own water and plenty of it. PLENTY!!!
2. Get the seasickness patch, Scopolamine, from doctor
3. Get on the boat early
4. No need to bring too much luggage, I had a carryon
5. Try to get a cabin higher up so that your bathroom is easily accessible if you’re on lido deck
6. Wear a wristwatch

And now, back to my regularly scheduled programming of writing, performing, creating, admiring, and amazing.
But first, some photos:

Me & Kevin

Me & Danny

Best Breakfast Ever!

Lying on the airport floor

Vacation Response

Thank you for visiting. I’ll be out of the office for one week. If you’d like to leave a message, please leave your name, message and contact info after the post and I’ll get back to you as soon as possible.

Though I’m sure no one will leave me any messages. Finger shy… :0P

Dear Mom

Dear Mom,

Today, I think of you but you don’t know, I think of you all the time. Even when I am not with you, I long for the days when you used to take me shopping, hang out with your friends, buy groceries, just simple things. You were so proud to bring me around. I cherished those memories you made for me. I wish we could go back…but we cannot rewind those times. We cannot hang onto the good times without hanging onto the bad ones.

We used to be together every weekend, comfortable with the silence, but now, we sit beside each other like strangers. You don’t seem to want my forgiveness, but rather, you hope I’ll just forget. Is this what you wanted, mom? For us to become acquaintances who no longer mean it when they say “Let’s get together for lunch or dinner?” Is this relationship with me the one you dreamed of having?

I love you mom, but I wish I didn’t have to wonder if you love me. I don’t think any daughter should have to wonder that. I seek answers you hold but will never give me. That’s fine, I’ll figure out a way to go on without knowing. I’ll carry this extra weight in my heart for you and keep your love untainted.

I know you have dreams for me and you’re waiting for me to fulfill them. I’m sorry mom, but I don’t think my life will ever comply with your idea of happiness. I have my own dreams to accomplish, regardless of how long it will take. Our emotional distance is a constant reminder that I have failed your expectations but I guess we’re even since you have failed mine.

I still wish nothing but the best for your life, with or without me to be your cheerleader. My soul will always have a piece missing with your name on it but hopefully, I can carry the pain with my head held high. I hope you will get everything you would want in life even though sometimes, life disrespects your timeline and makes you wait. Please remember our past with fondness and keep it safe. Maybe one day, when we’ve both forgotten this dark episode in our lives, we can reopen our hearts and arms and tell each other how sorry we are that we wrote this chapter.

Your daughter,

Ava xoxo

A Few of My Favorite Things

I’ll be leaving in a few days and have so much stuff to do before I leave. Finish my final assignment for my drawing class, finish my script pages for screenwriting classes, pack my luggage, figure out what I need to pack, arrange my ride, etc. So this will be my last post before I leave.

I’ve always loved that song from “Sound of Music” where Julie Andrews sings about all her favorite things. Well you know what, Julie? We all have favorite things, and here are a few of mine.

Food – Just a minimal list of my favorite foods Snickerdoodles, Burmese cuisine, dim sum , sushi, thai iced tea, Mitchell’s Ice Cream

Liam Kyle Sullivan makes hilarious videos, I love his gender-mangling style!

David Wain used to be a part of the comedy troupe, The State, which aired on MTV in the 90’s. Great writer!

Adele has a beautiful haunting voice, I love it. I just wish she didn’t smoke…but maybe that’s what gives her that raspy voice. I’m debating over this.

I first heard this song blaring over the speakers in an H&M store in SoHo of NY. I fell in love with her voice.

100 Monkeys never have the same setlist, I love it. And they always do an improv song on the spot, allowing fans to make up a title. And each member of the band can play multiple instruments so they do a switcheroo between songs. Impressive.

New Kids On The Block is the band I listened to as a young teenager. Donnie Wahlberg always taught us to do good, don’t smoke, don’t do drugs, stay in school, etc. I grew up well because of him.

The Harm’s 1st album was produced by a friend of mine. He introduced me to this song and I fell in love with its haunting melody.

Film shorts
I love this short film. It’s funny, clever and well written. Jason Marsden delivers, always.

I saw this film at the Asian American Film Festival a few years ago. I never laughed so hard because it brought fan world to the extreme. Hilarious! Alas, this is only the trailer. You’ll have to find its schedule to view it in theaters.

Bindlestiff Studio, My Life As Liz‘s Bizarre Love Triangle (I’m Team Bryson), bike riding in Venice Beach, playing kulintang, writing scripts, singing alone in the car, watching my friends onstage & onscreen, Royal Pains, white chocolate mocha, popping bubble wrap, learning new things, blogging, hugging people, road trips, Hawaii, film festivals, visiting museums, traveling, trying new restaurants, and sleeping.

Now turn that into a song, Ms. Andrews!

Monkeeing Around

(I hate this title, btw) There’s a reason to celebrate today. Today, I got tickets to see The Monkees in concert!! We even got VIP tickets which come with a meet & greet! I never thought this would ever happen since the last time The Monkees toured together was 2002 I think. Michael Nesmith won’t be there unfortunately, but hey, beggars can’t be choosers. Now, I don’t get overexcited usually when I’m around celebrities and I don’t think I’ll be nervous or anything but who knows what will happen when I actually get there? It’s the fuckin’ MONKEES!!!

My earliest memory of The Monkees was watching their show on Nickelodeon back in the 80’s. I fell in love with Davy Jones when I was around 9 years old. Yes, that sounds young but hey, I had my first crush on a boy when I was 4 years old so 9 is actually quite old. I remember laughing so hard because I understood all the jokes, or at least what I understood to be the funny parts anyway. All the times Davy fell in love, I was so envious of the girl. I wanted to be the one Davy was chasing, kissing, holding hands with. I remember at one point, I started to like Micky and I remember feeling guilty about it because it was like I was cheating on Davy. So I had to force myself to stop thinking of Micky and return my heart to Davy even though most of the songs I liked were mainly sung by Micky. Of course at the time, I couldn’t put a label on it, I just knew I felt bad. Who ever thought a 9-yr-old could have such deep & complicated emotions? Haha!

Fast forward to my freshman year in college, The Monkees TV show came out on VHS as a set and my first financial aid check I received of $450, I spent it on that set: $399+tx = $432. And you know what? I never got around to finishing watching all the episodes still!! I’m still somewhere in the middle! There are 21 tapes! It came with a watch but somehow, I cannot find that precious watch. I’ll have to look harder. I kept a photo of The Monkees on my fabric board, along with a photo of Will Friedle, a photo of The Kids in the Hall, a photo of BONE Thugs N Harmony, and photos of me with my friends. That’s a sign of how high they ranked on my personal “Favorites” scale. Oh! That just reminded me. Perhaps I should bring that photo with me and get it autographed!! What a treasure it will be for me. Coming full circle,

Fast forward again to last year, I got to see Davy Jones in concert for my birthday out in Oregon. It was a blast!! He was so funny onstage, I never knew he would be such a kneeslapper in real life. He sang wonderfully and I was so happy to be able to sing along with most of the songs. I believe my friends and I were the youngest ones in the room!! Perhaps we will be the youngest ones in the room again when I see them in July. Doesn’t matter though, I’m just there to have a good time and to fulfill a dream I never knew would ever come true. Truly surreal.

I cannot wait to meet them. I’ve made many of my childhood dreams come true. I got to meet New Kids on the Block, I’ve seen BONE Thugs perform live, I’ve met The Kids in the Hall and seen them perform live, I’ll be meeting The Monkees in 2 months, the only childhood dream left is meeting Will Friedle. It would be an honor to have a nice conversation with this man…or a passionate makeout session, whichever is clever, haha! (only in my dreams!)Well, if it’s kismet, it will happen on its own. In the meantime, I have things to do like get my MFA degree in Screenwriting! Maybe if I lump my MFA into the childhood dream bundle, I can make that come true too. :0)

A few of my favorite Monkees song (from a longer list) in no particular order
Goin Down Yes I can sing along to this.
Daydream Believer I’d be crazy not to include this.
She Hangs Out I groove to this jam so well.
I Wanna Be Free I could listen to this repeatedly forever.
Daily Nightly Little known fact: This is the first rock song to use a synthesizer.
Sometime In The Morning I fell in love with Micky listening this song. (shhh, don’t tell Davy)
Randy Scouse Git The crazy drum action. Nuff said.
Riu Riu Chiu Monkees in what is this, Portugese? Whhuuuuttt?!!
Saturday’s Child I always pretended it was Micky singing about me.
Porpoise Song I never understood this song, only that it was the musical definition of the word psychedelic for me.
Don’t Call On Me While I did say these were some of my favorites in no particular order, I have to say I saved the best for last. This song makes me feel like I am in a 60’s lounge. I’m in love with it.

Ambushed & Scrubbed

My aunt invited me out to dinner Saturday night. I said okay since I was in the area for the audition anyway. I figured she wants to discuss things with me & my brother in regards to my mom. When I arrived to the restaurant, my aunt & my cousin were standing outside waiting for a table. I greeted them hello and waited with them. All of a sudden, my mother walks out of the restaurant without saying a word to me. I had no idea she would be there. Is this my aunt’s brilliant plan? To catch me off guard, completely unprepared, and forced to speak to my mother? I wasn’t ready at all. My brothers showed up, which put me at ease a bit, but it wasn’t enough. I cried in silence during dinner, ordering nothing but a ham & egg sandwich while the rest of my family chowed down on hearty meals such as Prime Rib, New York Steak and Grilled Salmon. After dinner, my aunt subtly questioned my mother about James & the business. She said that she doesn’t run the business with him anymore, that he does it himself. She also said that she rarely goes to the music studio anymore, which is what my aunt wanted me to talk my mother into leaving in the 1st place.

So why am I here? She wanted me to talk my mother into leaving that guy even though I had my own problems with her myself. I felt ambushed. I guess I can’t blame her. She was afraid I wouldn’t show up if she had told me my mother was going to be there. She would have been right. I can’t seem forgive my mother, especially when she never asked for my forgiveness. It seems my mother thinks I’ll just get over it. When we left, my aunt asked if I was going to visit my grandparents as agreed. I said no. I couldn’t bring myself to face that house. The bad memories lingered in my heart. I can’t pretend to be okay when things are not. It’s not that I don’t want to visit my grandfather. I want to. I know he won’t be around much longer. I just don’t want to be around my mother nor my grandmother. I need to deal with my mother in another conversation. All I wanted to know was why she chose him over me. That is the one question that haunts me wherever I go. When we all parted, my brother told my mother that he thinks I’m still mad at her. Her reply was simply, “What for?” She must be in denial or demented.

So to add insult to injury, I have to go on a cruise next week. This is the perfect time for me to go flying off a bike while avoiding a dog who walked towards the direction I was riding in to avoid it and have the owner of the dog be in my way so that I could only choose to either hit the owner or the dog as it was a narrow passageway and stopping was not an option as there was a biker right behind me and my seat was adjusted too high so my legs couldn’t touch the ground without me slightly tipping over.

Result: flesh…


and pain.

Sexy, isn’t it? Battle wounds, man.

Lesson to be learned: Next time, fuck it. Just run over the owner.

Audition Experience

Went to an audition yesterday. My first in 4 years. Well actually, my 1st where I had to perform a monologue. Others I did were merely cold reads. There were other actors in the waiting room. Some I knew, some I didn’t. I had to complete a form and attach my headshot & artist resumé to it. While waiting, I helped a friend by listening to her monologue and vice versa. That gave good practice for me to do it in front of another person before going up in front of the directors.

I did a monologue from “Sliding Doors” written by Peter Howitt. I think it went well. There were 6 directors in the room plus me. I’ve practiced this monologue over and over in my head and in my car more times than I can count, but nothing could have prepared me for the unexpected anxiety, heart palpitations, and trembling hands I experienced when I finally got there. The best thing I could do was to act like it was all good, like nothing was bothering me, like I got this. Hopefully, they enjoyed my performance. Now that I think about it, there were so many other ways I could’ve done my monologue when I was asked to do it again in a different way. They just want to know that I can be directed, as I was told by one of my acting coaches, Anthem Salgado. No one wants to work with an actor who doesn’t listen, right? I had never done my monologue faster than I normally do but that’s what I ended up doing and I was surprised I didn’t fumble on any of the lines. I didn’t know how well I had memorized that monologue.

I was asked about the things I had written on my artist resume. They asked me about doing standup comedy, doing accents, what types of characters I’m drawn to doing, and what is my availability like. At one point, I began to feel confident and comfortable with the people in the room. Perhaps that was why I was able to spew out the monologue as fast as I did. I was more at ease and relaxed. If I could give myself any advice before walking into that room, it would be to A) recite the monologue every day the way that you want to perform it, B) breathe, and C) be confident that your performance is the best that you are doing. Oh and D) drink water before going in, as told by Anthem. That tip really helped because I got dry mouth.

I guess if anyone wants me in their play, they will be calling people back sometime within this week, perhaps even today. Here is the monologue I did, written the way I said it, utilizing emoticons and punctuation. It’s not the exact monologue but it’s how I wanted to do it.

Don’t you KNOW, Gerry? Don’t you KNOW what I’m trying to do? I’m TRYing to be your GIRLfriend, Gerry!! I’m TRYing to WIN YOU BACK! It’s fairly simple…I’m standing on the platform at LIMBO Central with my heart, and soul, PACKED in my suitcase waiting for the Gerry FUCKIN’ exPRESS to roll in and tell me that my TICKET is still VALID! That I may REBOARD the TRAIN! }:0/ Onlythestationannouncerkeepscomingon and telling me that my train’s been delayed as the DRIVER has suffered a major PANIC ATTACK in Indecision city. ‘We suggest, you take, the bus.’ THAT’S what I’m trying to DO, you CRIPPLE!!! >:0( Except…it’s quite clear, that that’s never going to happen…is it Gerry?……No reply. Perfect. So I…I’m not waiting anymore, Gerry. I’m cashing in my ticket….I’m TAKING that BUS. Oh god…I tell my friends ‘Never go back.’ Lookatme. I must be crazy! :0D Don’t call me for awhile, Gerry. Yknowhat? No! Don’t call me at ALL. EVER. It’s OVER…AGAIN!