My aunt invited me out to dinner Saturday night. I said okay since I was in the area for the audition anyway. I figured she wants to discuss things with me & my brother in regards to my mom. When I arrived to the restaurant, my aunt & my cousin were standing outside waiting for a table. I greeted them hello and waited with them. All of a sudden, my mother walks out of the restaurant without saying a word to me. I had no idea she would be there. Is this my aunt’s brilliant plan? To catch me off guard, completely unprepared, and forced to speak to my mother? I wasn’t ready at all. My brothers showed up, which put me at ease a bit, but it wasn’t enough. I cried in silence during dinner, ordering nothing but a ham & egg sandwich while the rest of my family chowed down on hearty meals such as Prime Rib, New York Steak and Grilled Salmon. After dinner, my aunt subtly questioned my mother about James & the business. She said that she doesn’t run the business with him anymore, that he does it himself. She also said that she rarely goes to the music studio anymore, which is what my aunt wanted me to talk my mother into leaving in the 1st place.
So why am I here? She wanted me to talk my mother into leaving that guy even though I had my own problems with her myself. I felt ambushed. I guess I can’t blame her. She was afraid I wouldn’t show up if she had told me my mother was going to be there. She would have been right. I can’t seem forgive my mother, especially when she never asked for my forgiveness. It seems my mother thinks I’ll just get over it. When we left, my aunt asked if I was going to visit my grandparents as agreed. I said no. I couldn’t bring myself to face that house. The bad memories lingered in my heart. I can’t pretend to be okay when things are not. It’s not that I don’t want to visit my grandfather. I want to. I know he won’t be around much longer. I just don’t want to be around my mother nor my grandmother. I need to deal with my mother in another conversation. All I wanted to know was why she chose him over me. That is the one question that haunts me wherever I go. When we all parted, my brother told my mother that he thinks I’m still mad at her. Her reply was simply, “What for?” She must be in denial or demented.
So to add insult to injury, I have to go on a cruise next week. This is the perfect time for me to go flying off a bike while avoiding a dog who walked towards the direction I was riding in to avoid it and have the owner of the dog be in my way so that I could only choose to either hit the owner or the dog as it was a narrow passageway and stopping was not an option as there was a biker right behind me and my seat was adjusted too high so my legs couldn’t touch the ground without me slightly tipping over.
Sexy, isn’t it? Battle wounds, man.
Lesson to be learned: Next time, fuck it. Just run over the owner.