Archive for May 8, 2011

Dear Mom

Dear Mom,

Today, I think of you but you don’t know, I think of you all the time. Even when I am not with you, I long for the days when you used to take me shopping, hang out with your friends, buy groceries, just simple things. You were so proud to bring me around. I cherished those memories you made for me. I wish we could go back…but we cannot rewind those times. We cannot hang onto the good times without hanging onto the bad ones.

We used to be together every weekend, comfortable with the silence, but now, we sit beside each other like strangers. You don’t seem to want my forgiveness, but rather, you hope I’ll just forget. Is this what you wanted, mom? For us to become acquaintances who no longer mean it when they say “Let’s get together for lunch or dinner?” Is this relationship with me the one you dreamed of having?

I love you mom, but I wish I didn’t have to wonder if you love me. I don’t think any daughter should have to wonder that. I seek answers you hold but will never give me. That’s fine, I’ll figure out a way to go on without knowing. I’ll carry this extra weight in my heart for you and keep your love untainted.

I know you have dreams for me and you’re waiting for me to fulfill them. I’m sorry mom, but I don’t think my life will ever comply with your idea of happiness. I have my own dreams to accomplish, regardless of how long it will take. Our emotional distance is a constant reminder that I have failed your expectations but I guess we’re even since you have failed mine.

I still wish nothing but the best for your life, with or without me to be your cheerleader. My soul will always have a piece missing with your name on it but hopefully, I can carry the pain with my head held high. I hope you will get everything you would want in life even though sometimes, life disrespects your timeline and makes you wait. Please remember our past with fondness and keep it safe. Maybe one day, when we’ve both forgotten this dark episode in our lives, we can reopen our hearts and arms and tell each other how sorry we are that we wrote this chapter.

Your daughter,

Ava xoxo

A Few of My Favorite Things

I’ll be leaving in a few days and have so much stuff to do before I leave. Finish my final assignment for my drawing class, finish my script pages for screenwriting classes, pack my luggage, figure out what I need to pack, arrange my ride, etc. So this will be my last post before I leave.

I’ve always loved that song from “Sound of Music” where Julie Andrews sings about all her favorite things. Well you know what, Julie? We all have favorite things, and here are a few of mine.

Food – Just a minimal list of my favorite foods Snickerdoodles, Burmese cuisine, dim sum , sushi, thai iced tea, Mitchell’s Ice Cream

Laughter
Liam Kyle Sullivan makes hilarious videos, I love his gender-mangling style!

David Wain used to be a part of the comedy troupe, The State, which aired on MTV in the 90’s. Great writer!

Music
Adele has a beautiful haunting voice, I love it. I just wish she didn’t smoke…but maybe that’s what gives her that raspy voice. I’m debating over this.

I first heard this song blaring over the speakers in an H&M store in SoHo of NY. I fell in love with her voice.

100 Monkeys never have the same setlist, I love it. And they always do an improv song on the spot, allowing fans to make up a title. And each member of the band can play multiple instruments so they do a switcheroo between songs. Impressive.

New Kids On The Block is the band I listened to as a young teenager. Donnie Wahlberg always taught us to do good, don’t smoke, don’t do drugs, stay in school, etc. I grew up well because of him.

The Harm’s 1st album was produced by a friend of mine. He introduced me to this song and I fell in love with its haunting melody.

Film shorts
I love this short film. It’s funny, clever and well written. Jason Marsden delivers, always.

I saw this film at the Asian American Film Festival a few years ago. I never laughed so hard because it brought fan world to the extreme. Hilarious! Alas, this is only the trailer. You’ll have to find its schedule to view it in theaters.

Miscellaneous
Bindlestiff Studio, My Life As Liz‘s Bizarre Love Triangle (I’m Team Bryson), bike riding in Venice Beach, playing kulintang, writing scripts, singing alone in the car, watching my friends onstage & onscreen, Royal Pains, white chocolate mocha, popping bubble wrap, learning new things, blogging, hugging people, road trips, Hawaii, film festivals, visiting museums, traveling, trying new restaurants, and sleeping.

Now turn that into a song, Ms. Andrews!