Last Words to Grandpa


Dear Gung Gung,

Thank you so much for raising me all these years. I’ll never forget all those elementary school years where I would come home to watch Scooby Doo and you always had a glazed donut waiting for me. Maybe that’s also why I got so fat? And when I moved back in with you when I returned for college, you always had a beef with rice & egg waiting for me whenever I came home from school. This is how you showed your love for me and I appreciated every single donut and every single box of rice. And I appreciate you, grandpa, for teaching me that love is more than just saying “I love you.” It’s the actions that matter and your laughter, hugs and warmth will always be with me in my heart.

Do you know how many times I worried that you would leave us? When you slept, sometimes I would watch you, to make sure you were still breathing and I would always be relieved that you were, especially when your health began to deteriorate. First you lost most of your sight, then you had to use a cane. Then you were in a wheelchair, and then you became bedridden. It has been really hard to see you this way but my love for you has never changed. The last time I saw you, you had already taken your last breath, one I will never see but wish I had. While you are not here with me in person, I know you are here with me in spirit because you always asked puo puo where I was and whether I had eaten yet. I could never forget hanging out with you and your mahjong friends as a kid while you were “babysitting” me. I’m glad you decided to stop smoking so that you could stay with me just a little bit longer, gung. It meant a lot to me. I’m sorry for cutting your cigarettes in half and scattering those brown things all over your desk. Like you said, it’s your actions that show the most love. If you were here, I know you would tell me I don’t have to cry, that there’s no reason to cry, but I miss you. I’ve missed you for a long time now.

You don’t have to worry about grandma, ok? We will take very good care of her for you. She loves you so very much even though at times, she said it wasn’t easy being married to you during some of those 72 years. When you left last Thursday, I came over as fast as I could. Grandma took me to your room and she said, “Gung. Gung! Ava is here to see you.” She shook you to wake you up but you didn’t open your eyes. I told her it was okay, that I didn’t mind. She said that I was always your favorite grandchild, but I think you loved us all equally. You always had plenty of love to give us all. I know you lived a very happy life with all of us. I still feel your presence with me and I’m sure that will never change. You’ll always stay in my heart and I cannot wait to see you again someday. Gung gung, I can’t show it anymore but I wanted to tell you I love you very much and always always will.

Always,
A-wah

Grandparents & Me
Grandma, Ava & Grandpa

Grandpa cutting his cake
grandpa cutting his cake

Grandparents with Brother
Grandparents with Brother

Grandparents with Aunt & Cousin
Grandparents with aunt & cousin

Grandparents with Cousin

Grandpa with his Kids
Grandparents & his Kids

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1 Comment »

  1. christina Said:

    Ava I’m so sorry to hear about your grandfather. This entry got me so choked up, as I started to recall the memories of my grandfather picking me up from Kindergarden with a plastic bag of Chips Ahoy waiting. When I was in high school he had a bowl of jook waiting. Sometimes his jook combinations were not so good, but I always acted liked I liked all of them LOL.

    Your grandfather looks like a sweet and happy man. I’m certain that you were his favorite girl, and why wouldn’t you be! These moments are never easy. However, spirits have a funny way of appearing in your happy thoughts and moments. I’m sure I can credit your grandfather for your kind and genuine nature, and I’m grateful to have you as a friend. *BIG HUG* I’m here for you. Love,

    Christina


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