Rehearsals & moving have been kicking my ass. Trying to pack, move stuff, unpack, make props & rehearsing has been my week lately. I haven’t even been able to really write at all, nor eat for that matter. As the show is coming up this week, it is really starting to sink in. I’ve been feeling a lot of pressure lately to improve on my craft but all the pressure is affecting my performance. I’m starting to get panic attacks when I’ve never really had any before. I really don’t like being the center of attention. Just writing this out and thinking about it is giving me a heart palpitations.
The best part of this project is the people I’m working with. We started back in 2007 and I’m honored to be with them again. PMSTA has been a great group of folks to work with. When I’m having a bad day at work, it’s their energy that feeds me to return to a more balanced demeanor and I’m ok again. I wonder if this type of development occurs in other theater groups. I’m sure it does, it has to. How can you work with so many people for so long and not develop a sense of kinship with them?
I don’t even know why I’m writing this post. I should be working on my character development. Well, by now, I should already have it down. I do have it, but outside issues are affecting my deep within and it shows onstage. I need to buckle up and get focused!! FOCUS!! FUCK!! You don’t know how many times I have released a random scream. It feels good. I just need to focus focus focus.
At this point, my issues are minimal. I’ve lost my moustache about 4 – 6 times, I am spending my breaks getting props & stuff, I’m trying too hard to establish my blocking, and deep down, I know I got this & I’m nervous for nothing. “Relax, relate, release” as Whitley Gilbert would say. :0)