Archive for Health

Happy Birthday To Me!

I’ve hit 40! Wow. I’m incredibly thankful for the loving community I am surrounded by. Was surprised with cake 4 times this past week! How awesome is that?! My family & friends are so sweet and I appreciate them so much. As I sit here today reflecting back on all the events that have occurred in my life, both good and bad, I think they have all shaped me in one way or another. I’m stronger in the sense that I’m not a pushover and I fight for what I believe in. At the same time, I’m weaker in the sense that I somehow have remained single all this time due to my mistrust in men. All experiences have influenced me.

I decided not to have any New Year’s resolutions this year and treat myself to good things any time I want to. Every since I went vegan, I’ve found lots of inspiration in other vegans on social media and have discovered a self-love that never existed before. No longer do I look in the mirror and complain about my double chin or flabby arms or love handles. No longer do I wish I were skinnier or wish I was toned or get disappointed in what I see in the mirror. The person I see in the mirror is doing her best to save the animals, to treat her body to good foods and to do her part in helping the environment. So how could I hate this person I see? How could I tell this person that she needs to lose weight or get in shape when she is already doing so much for herself, for the animals and for the planet? It’s simple. I can’t. I love what I see in the mirror now. It is an incredible feeling to love yourself. Some might call it arrogant but if a little 4-yr-old girl was confident and happy, is that arrogance? Is that being an egomaniac? I don’t think so. You know the saying. You can’t love someone else until you love yourself first. So here I am, loving myself and seeing that I am finally at peace and no longer fighting my negativity. And what’s great is that as soon as I started loving myself, it exuded into my community and it was glorious.

Oh yes, and as a birthday present to myself, I decided to enroll at Cornell University and obtain my Certificate in Plant-Based Nutrition! It was so weird to be back in school, even if it is online. Having to write essays and do quizzes really brought me back. I didn’t do it for any professional reason, just wanted to learn from good sources since there is so much misinformation out there. Now that I have learned about plant-based nutrition in professionals, I feel like I can apply it to my own life to get healthy and live a long & stress-free life. I would encourage anyone else to get healthy too, whatever way works for you. I think it’s time I start a new website to document this journey, yes? ;0)

One-Month-Old Vegan

It’s been exactly one month since I turned vegan so I wanted to record my experience thus far. Where do I start? Maybe I should talk about why I decided to turn vegan. It didn’t happen overnight. Back in August, I had heard about a movie with a hashtag called #unitythemovement. I heard that Casey Affleck was one of the narrators and I LOVE Casey so I really wanted to go watch it, not knowing exactly what I would be watching. I didn’t care as long as Casey was a part of it. As someone who has always rooted for the underdog, I loved Casey while everyone else loved Ben.

“Unity” wasn’t a movie, I soon discovered. About 5 minutes into the film, I realized this was a documentary about human rights uniting with animal rights. About humans finding their compassion and finding out that there is a more peaceful way of living than we all know. They talked about history and all the wars the world has suffered through, all the deaths that occurred and questioned why after all these years of living, we still cannot get along and resort to war. The part that stuck with me the most was the footage of animals who were suffering and living a “life” for human consumption. The film was 99 minutes long. While there was only 12 minutes total of animal footage, those are the parts that stuck with me the most. They made me uncomfortable and since I was in a movie theater rather than sitting in front of a TV, I couldn’t change the channel. I had to sit there and watch the horror unfold before my eyes. That’s when I decided to go vegetarian. I still consumed dairy and eggs so it wasn’t that bad. Surprisingly, I found vegetarianism quite simple and I didn’t think I needed to go vegan. Besides, I would probably have fallen off the wagon anyway.

After 3 weeks of going vegetarian, I started researching more about dairy and egg factories. I started reading about how the dairy industry really works and I started to question why DO we drink the milk of another species that is meant for baby calves? The answer is that growing up, it was ingrained upon us that we need milk to build strong healthy bones and teeth, to stay healthy and to get tall. Slowly, I started to utilize what I learned in my Critical Thinking class in college. Exactly who is feeding me this information? The dairy industry of course. People who make money off of dairy are the same people telling us we need milk to be healthy. And the people telling us why we don’t need the milk are the people who don’t profit at all from telling this to us. Do your research, it’s true.

I was still afraid of turning vegan. I was afraid I would fall off the wagon. I was afraid it would be too difficult. I was afraid I wouldn’t get the right nutrients and I might end up not getting enough vitamins & minerals to survive. I decided to do it anyway because now that I know about how factory farming really works, I can’t go back to eating meat. I just know and have seen too much. So this is where it began, September 5, 2015. I turned vegan and my first breakfast was avocado toast, sprinkled with a little salt & pepper and drizzled with some extra virgin olive oil. I paired it with a glass of chocolate almond milk. After eating that breakfast, I felt great. I didn’t have any regrets and I didn’t feel overfull like I used to with toast and eggs with orange juice. My next meal was a vegetarian gyro I ordered at a greek restaurant and I asked them to make my order vegan. All they had to do was leave out the tzatziki sauce. That was it! Simple!

Doesn’t this look delicious?
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I was with friends when I ordered it. They laughed and mocked my new diet. I couldn’t blame them though. It annoyed me but I knew I had a pretty good track record of switching my diet every three weeks. They didn’t believe I would be able to stick to it. Honestly, I didn’t think so either, but here I am, a month later, and I feel GREAT. I haven’t fallen off the wagon even once. Yes, I had some opposition at first. Some friends requested that I postpone it or give it up for just one meal. Some people decided to exclude me from meal invites because they didn’t want to accommodate me. I can’t say that didn’t hurt but I still knew I was doing the right thing for how I wanted to live.

Yes, I did think it was going to be hard to give up meat, eggs, milk, ice cream, all the things I LOVE about being a foodie, but it’s really not that hard to be kind & compassionate. I would say that I have more compassion for animals than I do for some humans! So here’s the thing. I’m not giving up meat or dairy or eggs or seafood, I’m giving up animal cruelty which is the single most important reason for me to do it. I cannot contribute to their suffering anymore. Don’t get me wrong, I don’t love vegetables. I still struggle with them day to day. but I choose compassion. I choose to live a kind life. I know I won’t save all the animals from dying but I can choose to be a part of the solution rather than the problem. I cannot just sit there and buy into the “It’s part of the food chain” argument. It’s not. Animals are not a part of our food chain. In Unity, they said “We are not the same, but equal.” That’s the world I want to live in.

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There have been nothing but good things physically that has happened to my body as well. I’ve lost 7 lbs, my hair has been behaving every day lately, and my double chin went away. My double chin has been the one thing that has always bothered me whenever I took photos. However, lately, I’ve been noticing a lot less chin and a lot more smiles. My skin has gotten smoother, my energy levels are higher and most importantly, I’m eating with a clear conscience. No animals have been harmed because of my existence and that makes me feel much better. Veganism today is so much easier to do than it was 10 years ago. I think that’s why I’ve been able to stick to it. Almost everywhere you look, there are vegan options available to me. What’s great is that I have a wonderful support group of friends who share my values. One of them even has her own vegan Youtube channel: Astig Vegan.

All changes in the world happened gradually, nothing is immediate. Why should we afford one group of animals our compassion but not another? Children by nature are opposed to violence and murder. Now that I know about the violence and murder that animals have to go through to put food on my plate, I choose to be a part of the change, the vegan movement. I choose to live a conscious life. I choose love over cruelty.

If anyone is interested in living a kind & compassionate life, watch Earthlings on YouTube and open your eyes. It is possible to live this way. Or listen to Ellen DeGeneres. No animals raised for human usage is living a natural life.

DTM (Doing Too Much)

Man, I haven’t blogged in a minute! Been super busy doing hella shit, aka DTMing it. So much is going on so this blog is going to be all over the place, I bet. I know I’m really late on the train but I’m so happy to hear that Will Friedle got engaged!! I think he got engaged the week before his birthday. You know, for the longest time, I had wondered how I would feel if that ever happened. Would I be sad? Would I be heartbroken? Would I be happy? I was honestly unsure of how I would feel but after I heard, I discovered I was extremely excited for him!! All I want is for him to be happy and that’s all that matters.

The whole month of August, I’ve been trying to get a new job. Something in the filmmaking field would be great since I love it so much. I want to wake up every day wanting to go to work, yknow? I do have a lead for a job but it won’t be available until next year so for now, I’ll have to just grin and bear it.

I’ve also been venturing into vegetarianism. I watched this film called “Unity” which showed across the nation all at the same time on one night. That film was quite effective. It really opened my eyes as to what kind of person I truly want to be. I want to be the most compassionate version of myself that I can be. I still eat eggs and dairy but I think I’m inching my way towards a vegan lifestyle. I really want to watch the documentary “Earthlings” but I’m terrified of seeing any images that will make me sick. Here is a trailer in case anyone is interested. It’s narrated by Joaquin Phoenix.

Thankfully, I have a shit ton of supportive friends, some of which as also vegetarian/vegan so it’s a lot easier when you have support. I’ve been vegetarian for about 3 weeks now. Haven’t lost any weight though. As a matter of fact, I think I might have gained! I’ll need to re-examine my diet one of these days.

What’s also cool that happened today is that my favorite band, Finish Ticket, released their first major label EP!! This is the same band that wrote me a song specifically for my short film, Accident. You can check out the songs on their new EP here on Soundcloud. As a matter of fact, you should totally buy it since it is now available on iTunes, Amazon, Spotify, and Google Play. I am currently downloading it from iTunes as we speak. :0) They are going to do great things someday. They will be as popular as The Killers or Weezer someday. I promise you. Catch them now while you still can. They’re on tour with Twenty One Pilots right now as their opening act. People are being blown away by their music everywhere they go. I know I was.

Oh yes, and the best news this month, I received an email this week with this message:
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YEEEEEE!! This is the festival I had been wanting to get “Accident” into and I’m so glad it did! APAture is a multidisciplinary arts festival that includes film, music, comics, art, literature, etc. I had submitted it last year but it didn’t get in. Then a friend of mine encouraged me to resubmit and it made the cut this year! I’m so excited! I’m currently uploading the ProRes version of it online. It’s been going at it for almost 40 hours so far as it is 15.5 GB!! I can’t wait to see it on the big screen. I did have to fight a little bit because they had asked me to cut it down to 10 min (my short is 11 min 11 sec) but I had to kindly resist because while I did try, I ended up cutting out scenes that I was told were pertinent to the story. Thankfully, my protest got through and I was able to keep my extra 71 seconds of footage. Yesssssssss!!!!! It’s going to play on 10/10/15 at the SF Main Library’s Koret Auditorium. I can’t believe this is happening. If I don’t get into any other festivals, I’d be completely fine with that actually. This was the first festival I had submitted it to last year so that fact that it got rejected back then and now accepted a year later means the world to me.

I’m also excited to participate in the remount of Pilipino Counter Cultural Night (PCCN) next month. I helped produce this show a year ago and it was so popular that a lot of people requested we do it again so that those who couldn’t see it can see it this time. I actually heard that we already have an audience waiting for tickets to go on sale. Perfect! Oh crap, I need to be off book by Tuesday. Better get crackin!

Plus, my comedy troupe Granny Cart Gangstas has decided to do another show next year! We had a very productive meeting last weekend and I can’t wait to start on our material for the show. This time, we are urging some of the other girls to produce the show so that they may learn how to become a producer. This is one of my main goals for my troupe. I want everyone to have produced at least one project whether it be a film, a show, a photoshoot, anything really. Having this amazing sisterhood of women should somehow benefit us one way or another. I’ll post more updates on that another time. I need to go to sleep. Good night! Here’s a pic from our meeting:
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Will’s Living The Dream

Thursday, Will tweeted an interview he did with Phil Morris. It’s about an hour long so if you have time, check it out. Honestly, it could be 10 hours long and I still would have listened to his sexy ass voice. Real talk.

They discussed many topics including how he got into acting, into Boy Meets World, how fate stepped in to have him play Eric Matthews, his family life, direction of today’s television, the type of actor he defines himself as, an absolutely crazy story about Jeff Sherman witnessing a woman die, his work ethics and his anxiety attacks. Plus some other topics that were all very very engaging to me.

Before I get into the part that got me all teary-eyed, the guy Will is talking about who was supposed to play Eric Matthews is Harry Barandes. They kind of look alike but Will was clearly the right choice.
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There were many topics discussed in the podcast but there were some parts that really spoke to me and I wanted to talk about them here. Will told a story about his friend, BMW writer Jeff Sherman and his wife, comedian Wendy Liebman, leaving Will’s house at a later hour than they normally would, missing a freeway entrance that they normally should have taken, and getting into a lane that he just felt like getting into that night and witnessing the car that got into the lane he was just in get plowed into by a drunk driver going 90 mph. He was JUST in that lane. Just writing this gave me chills. It made me think about how God is in charge of everything. When it’s your time, it’s your time. And it just wasn’t Jeff and Wendy’s time. I know it’s just a fictitious movie but it reminds me of the collision scene in “The Curious Case Of Benjamin Button.”

Honestly, I believe we’re just here on this planet to experience existentialism in human form, to take care of the planet, and reach our highest potential as human beings before passing into the next phase of life. Everything happens for a reason and everything I’ve ever experienced was meant to be this way. Even when we try to change it, it’s not that we’re fighting fate. I think we’re meant to fight because all the events leading up to this feeling created your emotions to react this way. It’s kind of like how I always envisioned myself getting married in my 20s but if that had happened, I might not have been able to experience all the wonderful things I got to do in my 30s. Jeff and Wendy still had unfinished business to fulfill in this life that caused them to be able to avoid that crash the way that they did and it blows my mind how easily we are reminded every day that life is short, precious and not to be taken for granted. You can read about the crash here and what Jeff wrote that fateful night here. Warning: it WILL give you chills and goosebumps. Don’t drink, get high or text and drive. Like Jeff says, “When you’re driving, just drive.”

I would love to talk about all the other amazing topics that Will and Phil covered but the part that got me all teary-eyed was when Will revealed a most personal and private experience. He stated that during the filming of “H-E-Double Hockey Sticks,” he experienced what he now knows was an anxiety attack. He said that he got on medication for it and that was why he gained weight during Boy Meets World. My heart dropped when he told this story. It hurt me to know he was suffering through these attacks while we were obliviously hanging back enjoying watching him on BMW. I don’t know if I can ever watch those later BMW seasons in the same way. I feel guilty now about all those times I was laughing my ass off at his performance knowing that underneath the facade, he was enduring this medical disorder and just putting on a brave face for us.

I know, I know, he’s not the first celebrity to persevere through something like this and he won’t be the last. In fact, another celebrity I love went through the same exact thing: Jonathan Knight. Yes, I am a bonafide New Kids On The Block fan and I heard all about Jon’s panic attacks, consequently leading him to quit the boy band back in 1994. He talked a little bit about it on Oprah back in 2001…


As you can see, it was heartbreaking to watch Jon physically struggling to get through the show. I never went to any concerts back then but I can’t imagine what it must have felt like spending 5 years performing in front of thousands of people while having this debilitating feeling inside. On the second clip, they briefly mentioned about the attacks feeling like you’re being judged by everyone because your physical state is unknown to everyone watching you and wondering why you’re acting this way. Jordan also talked about having performance anxiety and a light went on in my head. I did a little internet digging and found that performance anxiety was commonly known as stage fright, which is what I feel right before the moment I’m supposed to step out onstage in front of a live audience every time. However, I dismissed it because I thought everyone goes through this but now that I think about it, my fellow cast mates never did look as nervous as I did.

Back in March, my comedy troupe, Granny Cart Gangstas, did a live sketch comedy show and I was in 6 out of the 18 live skits we were doing which was one of the heaviest loads out of the entire troupe. In one of the pieces, it was just me and a mic and since I was alone out there, it made me the most nervous. Albeit, I was discussing my favorite subject of all, Will Friedle, it didn’t make me any less vomity or shaky but I had to put on my game face. I’m not sure if my nervousness came through in my performances. During all the rehearsals, I was fine but when it came to hell week, if we had even just one person in the audience, I freaked. My mind became blocked, my lines got lost and my body began to shake. I would get drymouth and would have to rush to the green room to grab water so that I could speak. In the first few times we did the show, I literally had to down some alcohol right before I went on in order to calm myself. Yes, it is unprofessional but it wasn’t the way I WANTED to go out there, it was the only way I COULD. Nothing heavy, I wasn’t downing Hennessy or anything, just a few sips of Moscato. It gave me a slight numbing feeling and that actually really helped. I eventually got comfortable enough to the point where I didn’t have to drink before I went on but it’s always that first show when I didn’t know how the audience would receive me that made me want to vomit and bail.

Hearing Will talk about the extreme attacks he went through made me feel like my suffering was minuscule & trivial compared to his. Environmental stress is a trigger for these types of attacks. For me, my self-esteem and self-confidence gets affected and thoughts of how others may be negatively judging me will run through my mind and make me feel like running away and canceling. The only thing I can kind of compare it to is that feeling you get when you’re at the top of the first climb on a roller coaster and you are half a second away from the drop and there’s nothing you can do about it. There’s a saying that goes, “What other people think of you is none of your business.” True that it may be, my mind will still create other people’s thoughts for me and about me and that is what affects me. Even though I was crazy happy with the words coming out of my mouth and I knew people will love it, a part of me created mental doubts and it consumed me and I had no idea this was not normal.

There are millions of people in the world who suffer from anxiety disorders and some don’t even recognize what they have. Seeing Will go through it and coming out of it on top showed others who suffered from similar disorders that they can get through it. There is a role model you can look up to and follow by example. Will also mentioned that when he finally decided to come back to onscreen acting through Girl Meets World, the audience gave him a standing ovation and it made him realize that he CAN do this. I’m so happy to have been a part of that standing ovation. I still remember that moment after his introduction when he came out from backstage and we erupted. We completely lost it. Ironically, he was creating panic attacks throughout the whole audience and I bet he had no idea. I thought some people were going to faint. When they were about to start, it would have been useful to have a sign.
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Lol! Good times. Anyway, I’m really happy to see Will thriving like this and he gets to see all the wonderful reactions from his fans about the work he is doing now that he’s on social media. We should all treasure these days. I don’t think he will be on social media forever so I say make the most of it while he’s here. To see him face the one fear he had that kept him from doing what he loved revealed that he is imperfect just like the rest of us but that he is also resilient, setting an example for all of us. And by the way, this man supports charitable causes like Breastcar.com. Ugh! I take it back. He’s perfect. Will’s actions bring forth his strength, courage, perseverance and heroism. I’ll always love you, Will.

Clean Eats and Jam Out

Have I ever mentioned how wonderful life is? I keep having these amazing moments in my life and I can’t believe all these things are happening. Thursday was a pretty awesome day. First, I wake up, get on the scale, and find out that I finally moved past the 4 lbs that I’ve been yoyoing up and down all month and get into losing the 5th lb. Second, I get an email saying that my favorite band, Finish Ticket, is coming by my house to drop off a vinyl of their album, Tears Your Apart. My HOUSE!!! WHAT??!!! The part that was really cool was that I got an email asking exactly when I’d be home because they said they wanted to deliver it to me specifically when I was there because I had been such a long time loyal fan. *THUD* Third, I found out that I won tickets to a concert at the Great American Music Hall where Seeking Empire, Happy Fangs and New Diplomat were playing! I had interviewed Seeking Empire and New Diplomat a few years ago for a website I was helping out on and they are just such great bands. Seeing them perform Thursday night and for free topped off my night! And then yesterday morning, I got on the scale and I had lost another 2.2 lbs. Whut whuttttt!!!?!!

Here are some pics from Thursday:

Brendan Hoye & Michael Hoye from Finish Ticket
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They signed the back but they also wrote on the front!
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Seeking Empire
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New Diplomat
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What a wonderful day. Right now, I’m listening to my new record and some other records, drinking water and roasting veggies. And for the first time, I’m actually really excited about them. I’m roasting potatoes, red bell peppers and colorful carrots which I seasoned with avocado oil, olive oil, lemon juice, black pepper, rosemary, dill, and himalayan pink salt. Can’t wait to taste it! Ever since I saw that pic with me and Will, I just felt heartbroken. However, from that broken heart, I rose from my ashes and decided that this was going to be the last year that I’m overweight. My imagination of how I want to look standing next to him motivates me to get healthy. I’ve actually been pretending I’m in a weight loss challenge with Will. And of course, it super helps that it seems he’s been trying to get healthy too. He posted that he was doing a juice cleanse and there were pics of him obviously going out running or something. Gawd, I’m just jealous by how much weight he’s lost, but I will get there. I promise. And if I ever do get the chance to stand beside him and take a photo again, I’d better look good. I don’t even actually care what he looks like, he’ll always be a beautiful person to me.

So, the things I’ve been doing lately to get healthy is mainly working out and eating clean. I’ve been cooking a lot more and researching about clean eating. I started cooking without sugar and making foods that are good for me. I have a Filipino vegan chef friend, Astig Vegan, who has made lots of vegan foods for me to taste and because of her, I am no longer disgusted by the sound of something being vegan or vegetarian. Last weekend, she taught me through text messages how to make cashew cheese and it turned out delicious!

Blending the cashews
Cashew Cheese
Forming for culturing
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Delicious with lentil chips
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Also made gluten free, grain free & sugar free brownies. Sooooo goooood!!
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You know, they say…

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However, after eating clean for about 3 weeks now, a friend of mine who I see almost every week told me I did look thinner. What?!!! I was shocked. I mean, I did look in the mirror and thought about whether or not there were any changes but I just wasn’t sure since I see myself every day. However, it’s great to know my efforts are actually working. I always used to just give up after 3 weeks because I never felt like anything I was doing would be lasting. Fortunately, I discovered Amelia Freer through Sam Smith’s weight loss story and I’m so grateful! I’m currently reading her book “Eat. Nourish. Glow.” to help me along. I’ve tried low carbs, I’ve tried no carbs, I’ve tried Atkins, Weight Watchers, Jenny Craig, South Beach, oh my god. So many phases of hell I’ve put my body through and it finally said to me, “STOP! Just be good to me.”

Amelia Freer writes “Listen to your body. It’s smarter than you.” I completely agree. I’ve actually said these words to friends of mine who were dieting and yet, I never listened to these words myself. I know the body finds ways to tell you what it needs. If your pee is super yellow, it’s telling you you’re not drinking enough water. If you’re craving veggies when you never have before, it’s telling you that it doesn’t have enough nutrients. If you get sleepy in the afternoons, it’s telling you that you’re not getting enough hours of sleep at night or that you’ve had too much sugar. In my previous eating habits, I never listened. I ate based on scent, thoughts, desires, and cost. Today, I eat to nourish my body rather than for convenience. I also cut out a lot of sugar. Amelia says that sugar has been shown in studies to be 8 times more addictive than cocaine!! I did hear that before and I believe it. Whenever a coworker brings sweets to work and I refuse by saying I’m on a diet, their answer is always “Oh please. One is not going to hurt you.” Unfortunately, that’s not true. One WILL hurt you because you’ll get another sugar craving later in the day and you won’t be able to stop thinking about it until you have it and the worst words you can say to yourself on a diet is “I might as well…” No thanks, I’d rather not spiral down that sugar hill, gang. Go on without me.

While typing this, my veggies finished roasting and they smell and taste delicious!
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Yummy yummy yummy. I never thought I would enjoy a grain with just veggies but I do. Yeah, there are potatoes but since everything else is healthy and homemade, I’m gonna say that’s ok. I ate this with some bulgur rather than white rice. Tastes great! I feel so proud of myself today. Anyway, have a great rest of the weekend and may everything good happen to you. I love life!!

Celebrate The Body

Celebrate Your Body - Wear Your Voice Magazine

Never in my life did I ever think I would see my picture next to Katy Perry’s on a website. This is a screencap of the Wear Your Voice Magazine that covered the Celebrate Your Body fashion show. This is my 2nd time doing this fashion show and I just wanted to share my thoughts on it. The first time I did it, the fashion show was described as “an alternative fashion + music show that pays homage to the creativity and plurality of the Bay Area.” I remember when I first invited people to come to the show, I described it as “an alternative fashion show” and it made me a bit uncomfortable. As I watched the models walk up and down the runway, I started thinking about how these people were not the alternative at all, they were the majority. My town vomits diversity and at this show, there were plenty of colors, different sizes, big and small personalities all coming together to put on a fashion/music show to an audience that was finally able to relate. So why do we have to be “alternative” when we were the majority?

This year, the show is described as “a one-of-a-kind, body-positive fashion show and expo.” It was definitely a step towards body positivity as all heights, weights, genders, and even physical disabilities were represented. It was such an inspirational show to be a part of and I wish this type of fashion show was more mainstream.

Sports Illustrated took a step forward today and put “plus size” models in their magazine. I’m really glad they started featuring these body positives images. For so many years, the fashion industry has been stuffing skinny bitches in our faces, making the young and impressionable girls feel like there is something wrong with their body if they don’t look a certain way. That type of media can result in body dysmorphic disorder, anorexia, bulimia, depression, self-hate, suicidal tendencies, anxiety, not to mention eating disorders, muscle loss, hair loss, tooth loss, heart failure, dehydration, the list goes on. How do I know this? I know this because I used to be bulimic and I wasn’t even aware of it. I told my mother what I was doing to lose weight and she thought it was a good idea because she didn’t know any better. Now we know better. It took me a long time to recover but I made it out.

I want to live in a world where advertisements & fashion designers want to mimic me rather than improve me. Not sure where designers got so lost along the way. Take a look at how beauty was perceived over the years. Look at the Renaissance era. Women were so voluptuous and curvy back then and that was considered sexy. I would have loved to have been celebrated for being soft and sexy. Today, I feel like advertisements turn towards body shaming and superficial judgement. If you’re fat, you’re lazy. If you’re skinny, you’re a bitch. It’s time we all just step back and take a moment to say to ourselves, “I am beautiful. I am strong. I am enough.”

That’s it. I am enough.

From 2014 To 2015

I have to say, 2014 was quite a year. I’m so happy with all the things that happened and I’m looking forward to what 2015 will bring. For the past 4 years, my New Year’s resolution was the same: “I want to meet Will Friedle‚Ķand lose weight, blah blah blah.” Now that I finally accomplished that goal, I work on the blah blah blah.

Best Things about 2014:

Co-produced two shows that I am very proud of:
Love Edition: Love Bytes

PCCN (Pilipino Counter Cultural Night)
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Got interviewed by SF Bay Guardian

Granny Cart Gangstas in SF Bay Guardian

Made a 90s R&B music video parody, inspired by Xscape’s “Understanding” video

Invited by Ben Savage to catch a closed taping of Girl Meets World
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Hung out with Jason Marsden and his friends after his Locker 13 film premiere at a bar
Jason Marsden

Had the best time filming The Love Edition web series, “Bender/Breaker” (Annotations must be turned on)

Finally got to meet my dream husband, Will Friedle
Will Friedle meets Miss Ava

Completed my first short film, Accident and having Jason Marsden tell me he thought it was “really well done” was icing on the cake

Moved into my own place which means I get to buy my own groceries
Farmer's Market Haul

Finally got my song from my favorite band, Finish Ticket! It took a whole year but you can’t rush creativity. The final result is perfect! I’ve included a clip of it on my site. I recently saw them perform at the legendary Fillmore and they covered Weezer and finally performed one of my favorite songs of theirs, Killing Me!

Yes, 2014 was wonderful but life moves forward and so must I. There are soooo….many things I want to do but take baby steps, I shall. Turn my dreams into goals, I will. Not sure why I’m speaking like Yoda but I felt it necessary.

So for 2015, I have little goals I want to achieve and some bigger goals I want to reach for. I say goals instead of dreams because I find that when you turn your dreams into goals, you are more likely to achieve them. Essentially, the word “dream” almost subliminally tells you that it’s not real, that it’s just a fantasy. However, the word “goal” implies a direction, a motivational force so to speak. With that said, my goals for 2015 include the following:

1. Be more girly – I want to buy more dresses and dress more like a girl and yet still be comfortable, but I don’t want to pull a George Costanza and wear sweatpants all day. I want people to know I will NOT give up!

2. Eat vegetables every day – My friend once told me that when you eat, you’re either fighting disease or feeding it. Yes, she obviously cannot accept my incessant love for my self-made ice cream tours in every city but I see her point and will take it into consideration. Are avocados considered a vegetable? It’s green.

3. Cut your portions and consume less meat – I want to eat like a normal person and eat the portion size they eat. Problem is, my mother put me on a diet when I was 12 and I have been dieting ever since. I haven’t the slightest clue what a normal portion is! America has a problem with portion distortion and I’m wallowing in the thick of it all. I also want to eat less meat and lose some weight. I mean, if Will Friedle can do it, so can I.

4. Cut my hair every 4 months – They say that your hair changes every 7 years. I don’t know how true that is but I’ve always felt like my hair grows too slowly so I never cut it. However, when I finally did cut it 4 months ago, I noticed that my hair has grown a lot faster since then so maybe I will spend that $65 and get that amazing haircut I love and just enjoy seeing it grow.

5. Drink more water – I am guilty of not drinking much water unless I have access to it easily but the adult female body is about 55% water on average and I am going to keep drinking until that 55% reaches 75% and my pee is no longer the slightest bit yellow. That’s how I tell when I’m dehydrated. When your pee looks like Mountain Dew, you’d better go get yourself some Aquafina because chances are, you’re probably dying.

6. Produce at least one show this year, two if I have time – So far, I have two shows I am involved in this year. One is a feature length play and the other is a Women’s show for Women’s History Month. I’m excited about both shows because A) I really love the story of the feature length play and B) I really love the theme of the Women show, which is also going to be a comedy show and the theme I came up with is “No Filter.” What do I mean by that? Well, I just wanna explore, what would it be like if we lived in a world where we didn’t have to be polite to each other? What if you didn’t have to tell your friend that her baby was cute? What if she really does look fat in that outfit? Let’s explore this realm, shall we? I’m still debating on a title.

7. Go to Paris & Prague – Haven’t been to Paris since 2001 and I have never been to Prague. When I get to these countries, I am going to create my own food tour. I wanna eat French sushi, buy Huckleberry jam at Maison du Chocolat, and find me some drinking chocolate. I am not familiar with Prague at all so I’m just going to wing it. Who knows? Maybe I’ll fall in love, but first, I’ll have to fall out of love with Will Friedle and make myself available for love. I only have room in here for one at a time.

8. Pay off one of my student loans – I’m sooooo close to killing of one of them! Back in 2011, my student loans totalled around $40K and today, they are less than $10K. I think that’s pretty awesome. I can’t wait to pay all of it off. And when I do, it will be the same as when I paid off my car. I’m going to celebrate!

9. Take more risks – Life is short, life is a gift, life is supposed to be lived, enjoyed, cherished. I have spent wayyyyy too much time worrying about the negative. Perhaps if I thought more positively, my world would just start to get better and better. Oh who am I kidding, with all these amazing experiences I’ve had the past few years, I’d say I’ve already taken plenty of risks and have been able to accomplish a LOT! Keep it up though, keep it up.

10. Stop condemning my body and start celebrating it – Instead of complaining about what I don’t have, comparing myself to others and feeling bad about myself, I’m going to celebrate the things I do have, the parts I love about myself and all the things my body has allowed me to do. Walking, running, seeing, dancing, exercising, all these things should be celebrated.

I am making a promise to myself to live life as if every day is the last day. Take chances, make changes and enjoy everything life has to offer. All these positive adventures have far outweighed the negative experiences I’ve been through. I am so thankful for it all. This is my last post for 2014. It’s been a wild ride. Be safe, take care, and may 2015 be even better. Good night…

Detox Day 11

I think I need a break. Oh, who am I kidding? I completely broke on this day. I drank orange juice during lunch & ate Crab & Corn chowder for dinner! You just don’t refuse a free bowl of Crab & Corn chowder from free room service. Well you know what? It was DELICIOUS! Was it worth the pound I gained? Nope. I think I need to take a break from this detox, at least for a couple of days. Is that a good idea though? I no longer have sugar cravings since I’ve been off of sugar for almost two weeks. Then again, I was never addicted to it much int he first place. I used to be able to stick with a diet for at least 3 weeks & now it’s down to 10 days? Hmm, I wonder if there’s a diet out there that only lasts 10 days, haha! Yeah, right. A fad diet, I’m sure. I’ll see how today blows over & decide what’s worth it & what’s not. Ugh, I hate dieting!!!

Breakfast
Soft-boiled eggs

Lunch
Orange juice (Tropicana)
Scrambled eggs with fuzzy melon
Brown rice
Yao choy

Snack
Banana
Almonds

Dinner
Crab & Corn Chowder
Chicken Tender

Weight lost as of 4/2/12: 4 lbs.

Detox Day 10

I was supposed to go to a Fiscal Sponsorship Orientation held by the San Francisco Film Society the other day but I overslept and had to skip it. Luckily my friends made it and filled me in. It basically inspired me to write an arthouse feature length film and I would love love LOVE for the overall theme of it to be focused on body image & self love. I’m thinking something along the lines of My Big Fat Greek Wedding and Sideways. Not a slapstick LMAO comedy nor anything dancing along the lines of melancholy or sorrow. I just want to create a world & invite some guests to live in it for a couple of hours, that’s all. This has me thinking I could expand my short & just go into a full on feature. Hmm…

On another note, I effed up last night and ate with my family. They are good cooks.

Breakfast
Gluten-free corn flakes (Nature’s Path)
Goat milk (Meyenberg)

Lunch
Scrambled eggs with fuzzy melon
Brown rice
Yao choy

Snack
Almonds (Trader Joe’s)

Dinner
Brown rice
Tofu with fish
Boy choy

Weight lost as of 4/2/12: 5 lbs.

Detox Day 9

I got sick yesterday, just a runny nose. The last time I got sick while dieting, I was competing with my best friend to see who can lose the most weight by a certain date, percentage wise. When she found out I was sick, she said, “No fair! You lose more weight when you’re sick!” Actually, I find that to be true most of the time so maybe it has some validity. I bet it’s just water weight though. I’m not sure what that means really. Your body is supposedly made up of 70% water so isn’t losing water weight a good thing? Weight is weight, right?

I don’t mind if I lost a bunch of water weight. I’m sure any weight lost is good at this point. I ended up having a super late dinner last night with friends at a thai restaurant but I didn’t eat much. I tend to gain weight whenever I eat late & go to sleep right after. I anticipated some sort of gain this morning but I was pleasantly surprised to find that I actually lost a pound!

I spent most of the day sleeping off my sickness and watching Dr. Oz. A lady named Kathy Freston was on it, talking about her new book, The Lean. She’s vegan & showed us a new philly cheesesteak recipe using seitan instead. I’m game to try it. I love seitan. The first time I tried it was from a vegetarian friend of mine who is a chef that makes filipino vegan food. He has his own catering company called No Worries. Ever since then, I was hooked. Unfortunately, seitan is not gluten free so I cannot consume it right now unless I can make my own seitan. Oooh, that’s a bit too ambitious for me right now. I’d rather just buy it somewhere. Anyway, the point is, I think I might give The Lean a try after the 21 day detox is over. If Dr. Oz is down for it, I should be too, yes?

Breakfast
Crispy Gluten-free brown rice cereal (Erewhon)
Almond milk (Trader Joe’s)

Snack
Banana

Lunch
Scrambled eggs with fuzzy melon
Brown rice
Yao choy

Dinner
Pad woon sen (King of Thai 2)

Weight lost as of 4/2/12: 5.6 lbs.

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