Posts Tagged ‘dream’

Oh How I Wish

As I wandered around the convention center looking for nothing at all, I spotted him. He was seated in a chair, holding a bus transfer with an amused expression on his beautifully shaved face. His printed white t-shirt was difficult to read as the image was so busy but I didn’t care. My 15-year-old self wanted to slam itself against his body & hold him forever. He put his hand up to cover his eyes and smiled while he shook his head.
“Are you okay?” I approached him as nonthreateningly as I possibly could. I smiled. He smiled.
“Yeah, yeah. Look at this, it says 2.5.” He pointed to his transfer. I didn’t understand what he was so amused by. This ‘2.5’ he kept speaking of meant nothing to me but I giggled at his amusement. He might have thought I shared his amusement so we giggled together. “I’m Will.” He reached out his hand to me.
“I’m Ava.” I shook his hand and we started walking around the convention center together. At one point, he mentioned a couple of films he made. He walked over to a table & rummaged through a few DVDs. He made a selection, took it over to a film festival submission booth & threw it into a box filled with other DVDs. He pointed to a young African-American man and said, “Ready to go?” to which he nodded.
“I thought you were going to give that to me!” I yelled, trying to speak above the noisy crowd that had divided us.
“Nope, cause you’re coming to see it at the festival, right?” His dimples made my knees buckle. A warm haze came over me and I nodded.
“Okay, where is it at?” I was hoping it would be in Northern California where I was at but he replied with an unrecognizable city. “Is that in Norcal or Socal?” I couldn’t figure it out.
“Onecal!” I could tell he wasn’t really sure so he just made it up. I relished in the fact that this complete stranger, someone I had been longing to meet since I was 15 was requesting my presence at his film debut. I couldn’t have been happier. “Let me give you my number in case you have any questions!” He scrambled for a piece of paper.
“Okay, I’ll give you my contact info too, just in case.” At this point, my inner self was doing the Running Man/Cabbage Patch combination while my outer self struggled to remain calm while searching for a piece of scratch paper to write on.
My friend, Roczane, spotted me & waved hi. I waved hi back but I couldn’t speak to her at the moment. My mind was too concentrated on exchanging contact info with Will. Eventually, he gave me his number & email, which at first glance, looked like a mathematic equation. I thought, “He’s a dork…I LOVE IT!” We hugged & I watched him walk out the door. I turned to Roczane, walked up to her & started doing the Running Man so fast I missed my step.
“Who was that?” Roczane grabbed a hold of me before I fell down.
“Will Friedle. My favorite actor in the whole wide world.” Roczane & I now had an understanding of my personal victory so she hugged me & congratulated me.

I was proud of myself & how I behaved. When I woke up, I didn’t want to. Then I recalled Last Night and wondered, “Why does Will always have a black friend in my dreams?” I just love how my subconcious always keep Will in the back of my mind, hidden in a secret drawer. While I may not always talk about him on a daily basis or even think about him, he’s there. The best part is that sometimes, my dreams come true & I experience deja vu. I’m waiting…

Monkeeing Around

(I hate this title, btw) There’s a reason to celebrate today. Today, I got tickets to see The Monkees in concert!! We even got VIP tickets which come with a meet & greet! I never thought this would ever happen since the last time The Monkees toured together was 2002 I think. Michael Nesmith won’t be there unfortunately, but hey, beggars can’t be choosers. Now, I don’t get overexcited usually when I’m around celebrities and I don’t think I’ll be nervous or anything but who knows what will happen when I actually get there? It’s the fuckin’ MONKEES!!!

My earliest memory of The Monkees was watching their show on Nickelodeon back in the 80’s. I fell in love with Davy Jones when I was around 9 years old. Yes, that sounds young but hey, I had my first crush on a boy when I was 4 years old so 9 is actually quite old. I remember laughing so hard because I understood all the jokes, or at least what I understood to be the funny parts anyway. All the times Davy fell in love, I was so envious of the girl. I wanted to be the one Davy was chasing, kissing, holding hands with. I remember at one point, I started to like Micky and I remember feeling guilty about it because it was like I was cheating on Davy. So I had to force myself to stop thinking of Micky and return my heart to Davy even though most of the songs I liked were mainly sung by Micky. Of course at the time, I couldn’t put a label on it, I just knew I felt bad. Who ever thought a 9-yr-old could have such deep & complicated emotions? Haha!

Fast forward to my freshman year in college, The Monkees TV show came out on VHS as a set and my first financial aid check I received of $450, I spent it on that set: $399+tx = $432. And you know what? I never got around to finishing watching all the episodes still!! I’m still somewhere in the middle! There are 21 tapes! It came with a watch but somehow, I cannot find that precious watch. I’ll have to look harder. I kept a photo of The Monkees on my fabric board, along with a photo of Will Friedle, a photo of The Kids in the Hall, a photo of BONE Thugs N Harmony, and photos of me with my friends. That’s a sign of how high they ranked on my personal “Favorites” scale. Oh! That just reminded me. Perhaps I should bring that photo with me and get it autographed!! What a treasure it will be for me. Coming full circle,

Fast forward again to last year, I got to see Davy Jones in concert for my birthday out in Oregon. It was a blast!! He was so funny onstage, I never knew he would be such a kneeslapper in real life. He sang wonderfully and I was so happy to be able to sing along with most of the songs. I believe my friends and I were the youngest ones in the room!! Perhaps we will be the youngest ones in the room again when I see them in July. Doesn’t matter though, I’m just there to have a good time and to fulfill a dream I never knew would ever come true. Truly surreal.

I cannot wait to meet them. I’ve made many of my childhood dreams come true. I got to meet New Kids on the Block, I’ve seen BONE Thugs perform live, I’ve met The Kids in the Hall and seen them perform live, I’ll be meeting The Monkees in 2 months, the only childhood dream left is meeting Will Friedle. It would be an honor to have a nice conversation with this man…or a passionate makeout session, whichever is clever, haha! (only in my dreams!)Well, if it’s kismet, it will happen on its own. In the meantime, I have things to do like get my MFA degree in Screenwriting! Maybe if I lump my MFA into the childhood dream bundle, I can make that come true too. :0)

A few of my favorite Monkees song (from a longer list) in no particular order
Goin Down Yes I can sing along to this.
Daydream Believer I’d be crazy not to include this.
She Hangs Out I groove to this jam so well.
I Wanna Be Free I could listen to this repeatedly forever.
Daily Nightly Little known fact: This is the first rock song to use a synthesizer.
Sometime In The Morning I fell in love with Micky listening this song. (shhh, don’t tell Davy)
Randy Scouse Git The crazy drum action. Nuff said.
Riu Riu Chiu Monkees in what is this, Portugese? Whhuuuuttt?!!
Saturday’s Child I always pretended it was Micky singing about me.
Porpoise Song I never understood this song, only that it was the musical definition of the word psychedelic for me.
Don’t Call On Me While I did say these were some of my favorites in no particular order, I have to say I saved the best for last. This song makes me feel like I am in a 60’s lounge. I’m in love with it.

You Make Me Day(Night)dream

Inspiration is everywhere and anywhere; photos, acts of kindness, acts of violence, nature, television, stories, whatever you can think of. I am most inspired by my daydreams. Night dreams are fun but when you daydream, I want to say it’s almost like lucid dreaming. I am in control. I found myself daydreaming at work today as I had to wrap a bunch of gifts for a company event. Lately, I’ve just been daydreaming about Will. Of course, night dreaming about Will is always fun too. The best part about that dream is that it inspired me to write and I was so motivated to put it on paper. I wonder if anyone can figure out which parts were the actual dream and which parts I created. My creative playground is pretty active lately but my subconcious is catching up. When I go to sleep tonight, I am crossing my fingers that Will and I will meet again.

I want to hug this smart, funny & handsome young gentleman.
Photos by Vivien Kililea, 2011Oh who am I kidding? We all know I’d like to do a lot more than hugging.

Touché. :0)

Last Night

     The club was dark with reddish undertones. Patrons were dressed in cocktail wear. Will had just finished a set. It was a standup comedy show. He sported brown & shiny, shoulder-length pantene hair with a hint of gold highlights, a clean-shaven face, a black & blue plaid shirt, and a pair of blue jeans. He had a pair of tan Timberland boots on that made a clunky noise as he made his strides. He squeezed in between two people to the right of the bar & was trying to get the bartender’s attention. I walked up to his left while he waited for his drink. I smiled from ear to ear.
      “Hi Will, you were really good up there. I’m Ava.” I put out my hand to shake his but his eyes averted mine. He looked down on the floor with a silent pause. I casually lowered my empty hand and backed away, sensing his wariness.
      “Ok well, just wanted you to know.” I forced a smile, disappointed that our one & only encounter was a failure. I took steps to walk away when he spoke.
      “Who are you with? I mean, who do you know?” He looked at me with guarded eyes but he was listening for an answer. Perhaps a validation? I was speechless. I’m not a socialite. I’m certainly not one of those aggressive autograph collectors who go around hounding celebrities for a signature I can sell for a profit online. I searched in my mind to find any celebrity connections I had that could validate myself to let him know I wasn’t some insane fan who could hurt him.
      “I’m a moderator for New Kids on the Block’s forum website!” I blurted. Strike two. Why did I say that? What pertinence does this information have? I’m such an idiot. It would have made better sense if I had just told him who I really was; someone who had admired his work since 1993 and was honored to be in his presence. Perhaps he wasn’t even asking for validation, maybe he was just asking which comedian I specifically came to watch. Him, of course, but his cautious interrogation made me regret coming up to him.
     At that moment, a black man came up to Will and complimented him on his set, distracting his attention. A way out. I attempted my ninja exit. Before I could escape, Will took notice and grabbed my arm to stop me.
     “Wait. What was your name again? Ava?”
     “Yes. Ava. I just wanted to meet you. I love that you make me laugh.” He stood close to me, invading my two feet of personal space but it didn’t bother me; it was comfortable. I wanted to hold his hand, to touch his face, to taste his lips. I wondered how he would hold me if he were my boyfriend. I wondered if he was the type of comedian who acknowledges his girlfriend from the stage, making her feel embarrassed & special at the same time.
     Words now became an awkward barrier between us. I stared at his gentle hazel eyes, waiting for the end of his assessment. I knew he finally approved when I saw the dimples on his cheeks emerge, a smile that could charm even the most wicked of witches. My heart did a blissful little dance.
     Just then, the black man shoved his way past Will, jostling him into me. I swiftly placed my hands to his cheeks & pulled his face towards mine until there was only half an inch between our stares. His arms instinctively wrapped around me, cradling my body with a protective fervour so I wouldn’t fall, but my heart fell anyway. His fingertips rested against the small of my back. His eyes glanced at my lips while the awkwardness faded and I was relieved. I closed my eyes and let his lips touch mine…


     When my eyes opened, Will was gone. I shut my alarm off and stayed in bed with a lamented smile, struggling to return to my dream.

I have the cheesiest (sub)concious ever.

Dream Working

Lots to do when creating a website!! I have so many things going on in my mind that I barely know where to start! One thing I know is that I want it to exist. I was reading a magazine about entrepreneurs and they told me I had to create a vision, then rewrite it over and over again until it makes sense. The 1st draft would be crazy definitions of what I want and eventually, I am supposed to mold it into something close to the outline of a mission statement.

I’ve finally chosen a name, bought the domain, and am seeking a web developer/partner to help me build this empire. I still need to figure out a way to get the information I need though. If I can’t find out, then I’ll have to make it myself. I have searched high & low for a job that I would love and want to stay in forever but truthfully, it just does not exist. The more research I do, the more I am told that if the job I want doesn’t exist, create it. Simple as that? Err…not that simple…but doable perhaps.

All I can say about my site is that it is food-related & people-related. I have a dream to discuss my up & running site on TV someday, maybe with Rachael Ray or somebody like that. Everyone that I have approached about this idea has given me positive feedback and it was the initial push that I needed to continue to pursue my dream. Of all the dreams I have ever had, this is the only one that I truly & honestly fell in love with. The idea has pushed my drive, balls to the wall style. I refuse to let anything stop me from building this dream and I’m counting on people to believe in me.

In the meantime, I’m going to keep writing stories as a Plan B. Writing scripts is another dream of mine that I would love to fulfill. Everyone has stories to tell and if I don’t record them on paper, they could be lost forever. I would love to see my work on the big screen someday and find a place for myself in the world of Hollywood but that takes second place to my first dream of building my website.

If any of you have a dream you truly believe in, I say reach for the stars. The more you want it, the more you’ll try. Some people sit around and talk about it, I say get out there and just do it! Be prepared to do some very hard work but if it’s truly a dream worth chasing, then it’s work worth doing.