Posts Tagged ‘fantasy’

Oh How I Wish

As I wandered around the convention center looking for nothing at all, I spotted him. He was seated in a chair, holding a bus transfer with an amused expression on his beautifully shaved face. His printed white t-shirt was difficult to read as the image was so busy but I didn’t care. My 15-year-old self wanted to slam itself against his body & hold him forever. He put his hand up to cover his eyes and smiled while he shook his head.
“Are you okay?” I approached him as nonthreateningly as I possibly could. I smiled. He smiled.
“Yeah, yeah. Look at this, it says 2.5.” He pointed to his transfer. I didn’t understand what he was so amused by. This ‘2.5’ he kept speaking of meant nothing to me but I giggled at his amusement. He might have thought I shared his amusement so we giggled together. “I’m Will.” He reached out his hand to me.
“I’m Ava.” I shook his hand and we started walking around the convention center together. At one point, he mentioned a couple of films he made. He walked over to a table & rummaged through a few DVDs. He made a selection, took it over to a film festival submission booth & threw it into a box filled with other DVDs. He pointed to a young African-American man and said, “Ready to go?” to which he nodded.
“I thought you were going to give that to me!” I yelled, trying to speak above the noisy crowd that had divided us.
“Nope, cause you’re coming to see it at the festival, right?” His dimples made my knees buckle. A warm haze came over me and I nodded.
“Okay, where is it at?” I was hoping it would be in Northern California where I was at but he replied with an unrecognizable city. “Is that in Norcal or Socal?” I couldn’t figure it out.
“Onecal!” I could tell he wasn’t really sure so he just made it up. I relished in the fact that this complete stranger, someone I had been longing to meet since I was 15 was requesting my presence at his film debut. I couldn’t have been happier. “Let me give you my number in case you have any questions!” He scrambled for a piece of paper.
“Okay, I’ll give you my contact info too, just in case.” At this point, my inner self was doing the Running Man/Cabbage Patch combination while my outer self struggled to remain calm while searching for a piece of scratch paper to write on.
My friend, Roczane, spotted me & waved hi. I waved hi back but I couldn’t speak to her at the moment. My mind was too concentrated on exchanging contact info with Will. Eventually, he gave me his number & email, which at first glance, looked like a mathematic equation. I thought, “He’s a dork…I LOVE IT!” We hugged & I watched him walk out the door. I turned to Roczane, walked up to her & started doing the Running Man so fast I missed my step.
“Who was that?” Roczane grabbed a hold of me before I fell down.
“Will Friedle. My favorite actor in the whole wide world.” Roczane & I now had an understanding of my personal victory so she hugged me & congratulated me.

I was proud of myself & how I behaved. When I woke up, I didn’t want to. Then I recalled Last Night and wondered, “Why does Will always have a black friend in my dreams?” I just love how my subconcious always keep Will in the back of my mind, hidden in a secret drawer. While I may not always talk about him on a daily basis or even think about him, he’s there. The best part is that sometimes, my dreams come true & I experience deja vu. I’m waiting…

Last Night

     The club was dark with reddish undertones. Patrons were dressed in cocktail wear. Will had just finished a set. It was a standup comedy show. He sported brown & shiny, shoulder-length pantene hair with a hint of gold highlights, a clean-shaven face, a black & blue plaid shirt, and a pair of blue jeans. He had a pair of tan Timberland boots on that made a clunky noise as he made his strides. He squeezed in between two people to the right of the bar & was trying to get the bartender’s attention. I walked up to his left while he waited for his drink. I smiled from ear to ear.
      “Hi Will, you were really good up there. I’m Ava.” I put out my hand to shake his but his eyes averted mine. He looked down on the floor with a silent pause. I casually lowered my empty hand and backed away, sensing his wariness.
      “Ok well, just wanted you to know.” I forced a smile, disappointed that our one & only encounter was a failure. I took steps to walk away when he spoke.
      “Who are you with? I mean, who do you know?” He looked at me with guarded eyes but he was listening for an answer. Perhaps a validation? I was speechless. I’m not a socialite. I’m certainly not one of those aggressive autograph collectors who go around hounding celebrities for a signature I can sell for a profit online. I searched in my mind to find any celebrity connections I had that could validate myself to let him know I wasn’t some insane fan who could hurt him.
      “I’m a moderator for New Kids on the Block’s forum website!” I blurted. Strike two. Why did I say that? What pertinence does this information have? I’m such an idiot. It would have made better sense if I had just told him who I really was; someone who had admired his work since 1993 and was honored to be in his presence. Perhaps he wasn’t even asking for validation, maybe he was just asking which comedian I specifically came to watch. Him, of course, but his cautious interrogation made me regret coming up to him.
     At that moment, a black man came up to Will and complimented him on his set, distracting his attention. A way out. I attempted my ninja exit. Before I could escape, Will took notice and grabbed my arm to stop me.
     “Wait. What was your name again? Ava?”
     “Yes. Ava. I just wanted to meet you. I love that you make me laugh.” He stood close to me, invading my two feet of personal space but it didn’t bother me; it was comfortable. I wanted to hold his hand, to touch his face, to taste his lips. I wondered how he would hold me if he were my boyfriend. I wondered if he was the type of comedian who acknowledges his girlfriend from the stage, making her feel embarrassed & special at the same time.
     Words now became an awkward barrier between us. I stared at his gentle hazel eyes, waiting for the end of his assessment. I knew he finally approved when I saw the dimples on his cheeks emerge, a smile that could charm even the most wicked of witches. My heart did a blissful little dance.
     Just then, the black man shoved his way past Will, jostling him into me. I swiftly placed my hands to his cheeks & pulled his face towards mine until there was only half an inch between our stares. His arms instinctively wrapped around me, cradling my body with a protective fervour so I wouldn’t fall, but my heart fell anyway. His fingertips rested against the small of my back. His eyes glanced at my lips while the awkwardness faded and I was relieved. I closed my eyes and let his lips touch mine…


     When my eyes opened, Will was gone. I shut my alarm off and stayed in bed with a lamented smile, struggling to return to my dream.

I have the cheesiest (sub)concious ever.