Posts Tagged ‘pmsta’

Death of “Death Of A Player”

“Death of a Player” is a success!! I’m so proud to have participated in this production. We just finished our last show on Saturday and our show got to the top #1 spot at Bindlestiff Studio for ticket sales on Brown Paper Tickets! So ecstatic about that! This was one of the best productions I had ever participated in. We received some great writeups & reviews and I had a blast working with all the people involved. We all collectively had one goal: to make it great. We all wanted the show to succeed and that we did!

It hasn’t really hit me yet that I won’t be seeing these beautiful faces all together again this week. It hasn’t really hit me yet that this production has concluded. It hasn’t really hit me yet that the show has run its course and will not be reprising itself, at least not in the near future. I think the reason is because while the project was indeed new, the faces were not. The friendships were not. The creative juices were not. I know I will be seeing some of these faces again soon. I know our friendships were real and the production only added to the solidarity of its foundation. And I know the way we flow together will resurface again in another time & another project. The BEST part about working on this project was that it was just like we were playing with our friends, like you do during your childhood.

The producer, Maggie Suarez-Calixton, told us that someone from the SF Examiner came to see the show last Friday and his opinion was that he wanted to nominate us for best theater production! Regardless of whether or not it happens, that was truly an amazing compliment to hear. We went through so much mud to get to clean & dry lands and it was worth it in the end. I got to return to Bindlestiff Studio in a big way, wearing two hats as a writer & an actress.

Now that the show is finally over, I can finally release my monologue. Sigh…what a relief to have had the opportunity to release my angst. Thank you PMSTA!

Breathe

I love PMSTA. I really do. The show has been going great and I am honored to be working with each & every one of them. We just got past the 1st weekend and have already done 5 shows. I can’t believe it! Usually, the 1st weekend only has 3 shows. I guess we’re just that much more ambitious. I’m getting some good feedback about my monologue, “Strength.” I ended up having to do the mom voiceover when initially, it was supposed to be a recording from my friend’s mother. Each time I do it, I have to find the prebeat and revisit those dark days. It’s hard because I find myself remembering all the emotions I went through. I had to stop watching the comedic monologue that precedes Strength in order to get my prebeat, which sucks because I really like watching that monologue.

My brothers were able to make it to the show on Sunday. Unfortunately, I found out on Saturday that the actress who normally performs Strength was unable to perform it on Sunday, the only day that my brothers were able to go. So, on a whim, I made the difficult decision to do a stage reading of Strength. I hadn’t revisited my monologue since I gave it to the director so I decided to just read it raw, without any prebeat, preparation, or anything. Just me & a mic. I had my friend record it so that I could preserve it. I’ll probably post it after the show is done.

The reading went well, I think. I was barely able to see through my tears. I squished all 5 pages into 2 and it was difficult to see the small font I had used. I didn’t tell my brother that I had written about the incident but he told me it was well written. I don’t think I really truly felt like it was until my friends Judith & Christina told me that some people stood up after my monologue. I rushed offstage right after because I just couldn’t bare to sit there any longer. I ran into the green room and cried. I just need to re-release all the dormant emotions I had sealed away in a box, tucked inside my heart, never to be opened again. That Sunday, I opened it and the memories of it all came rushing back. I became numb & lifeless, tears just streaming endlessly down my face. I tilted my head back & just wanted to die until I felt two arms wrap around me. It was my friend, Tonilyn. She said that she was proud of me for my courage and that I did good. I grabbed hold of her and she let me cry into her soul. At that moment, I realized it was what I needed; it was something I hadn’t done to heal. I never let anyone comfort me about it. I always cried alone, in my room, listening to Adele’s “Someone Like You” and wondering if my mother was ok. Then another friend, Andrea, came in and told me I did really well and hugged me too. I really appreciated this gesture and it helped me tremendously.

The human hug is so insignificant and yet so powerful. Toni let me do the “ugly cry” into her. I think I did it for just a minute or two but it felt like an hour. Thank God for my friends. If not for them, I would be in a very different place, mentally, physically & emotionally. Now that I have finally found a voice & a place to tell my story, I can truly begin the healing process that I stopped so abruptly due to circumstances beyond my control. I feel so blessed to have these healing souls surrounding me, bathing me in their love, nurturing me with their laughter, and soothing me with their touch. I am finally able to breathe.

PMSTA Presents…

Rehearsals & moving have been kicking my ass. Trying to pack, move stuff, unpack, make props & rehearsing has been my week lately. I haven’t even been able to really write at all, nor eat for that matter. As the show is coming up this week, it is really starting to sink in. I’ve been feeling a lot of pressure lately to improve on my craft but all the pressure is affecting my performance. I’m starting to get panic attacks when I’ve never really had any before. I really don’t like being the center of attention. Just writing this out and thinking about it is giving me a heart palpitations.

The best part of this project is the people I’m working with. We started back in 2007 and I’m honored to be with them again. PMSTA has been a great group of folks to work with. When I’m having a bad day at work, it’s their energy that feeds me to return to a more balanced demeanor and I’m ok again. I wonder if this type of development occurs in other theater groups. I’m sure it does, it has to. How can you work with so many people for so long and not develop a sense of kinship with them?

I don’t even know why I’m writing this post. I should be working on my character development. Well, by now, I should already have it down. I do have it, but outside issues are affecting my deep within and it shows onstage. I need to buckle up and get focused!! FOCUS!! FUCK!! You don’t know how many times I have released a random scream. It feels good. I just need to focus focus focus.

At this point, my issues are minimal. I’ve lost my moustache about 4 – 6 times, I am spending my breaks getting props & stuff, I’m trying too hard to establish my blocking, and deep down, I know I got this & I’m nervous for nothing. “Relax, relate, release” as Whitley Gilbert would say. :0)

It’s showtime.

Death of A Player presented by PMSTA.

Death of a Player Kickstarter

The Kickstarter page for our show is finally up! We’re in full force now. We need to raise $5000 so please feel free to donate or share the link! Support independent theater and come to our show!!

PMSTA Death of a Player – Kickstarter

Oh Nothing, Just Our PMSTA Trailer & Stuff

I am so proud to announce that the trailer for our October show is now live! I had so much fun working on it that it inspired me to want to do more in film. The director of the film, Matthew Abaya of I Don’t Care Productions, is also going to be doing a feature length film called “Vampariah” and he asked me to help him with casting. I can honestly say I was ecstatic! Besides the screenwriter, casting was also one of my dream roles to take on when it comes to making a film.

I’m excited to begin holding auditions and getting through this process, more than excited. So excited, I went out and bought a book called “Producing & Directing the Short Film & Video” to catch me up on all I need to know. There is a 4th edition to this book but this one was 40% off and mama can’t pass up a bargain like that. Let’s just see what I’m going to learn. I hate when I read and nothing has entered my mind because I’m drumming up a to-do list in my head. Am I the only one that happens to? Anyway, before I go off on a tangent, check out our promo below:

Fundraiser – Done

I don’t remember when I got so busy. My schedule used to consist of weekends where I could just chillax with my friends in front of a television with absolutely nothing to do. Now, I find my weekends to be filled with meetings, workshops and travel. I guess I brought it on myself, constantly signing up for things that unknowingly would take up most of my time. However, I must say, I actually do enjoy having a schedule to adhere to, makes me feel…necessary.

The fundraiser was a hit! We filled every seat and had a lot of people standing in the back. It was my first time hosting anything so I was pretty nervous. I figured if I couldn’t think of anything to say, I’d just be myself and let words roll off my tongue naturally. I was sketchy at first but after getting a few tips along the way, everything worked out. I was told I was “charming & engaging” and the next time I volunteer at Bindlestiff, I’d be the House manager! What an honor! So glad I was able to pull it off. Of course there were things I could have done differently but I’m learning as I go.

Our show had a nice variety of music, standup comedy & skits. Ann sang a song that Maggie wrote & Brandon composed, Toni sang songs she wrote and one cover, and she had a mini band with her friends, Danielle & Cheryl, Aivy, Richgail & Andrea did standup comedy, and we had a bunch of skits performed by Ann, Aureen, Andrea, Toni, Julie, Rose, and Maggie.

I’m so very lucky to be working with these girls. I wish we had recorded it but we were too busy trying to take care of other things. Here are a few pics from the fundraiser.

Photos by Augustus Tagaro


Our next fundraiser might possibly a fashion show, similar to the Chocolate Milk fashion show that Bindlestiff held a few years ago. That was my first time volunteering. I sold beer and lots of it!! Maybe I’ll host it this time. It would be so much fun because our ladies are gorgeous in both hyper & nonhyper-sexualized sort of way, which is what PMSTA is trying to be about…I think?

PMSTA Kick Off Fundraiser

I’m hosting a fundraiser tonight for Pinays Maintaining Sisterhood Through Arts(PMSTA), a women’s theatre group made of ladies from Bindlestiff Studio. A bit nervous but at least I don’t have to memorize any lines. There will be stand up comedy, some music, some original works that will be premiering at our show in October, and of course, some gorgeous ladies, as always.

I’ll post some pics tomorrow if I get any.